I
have noticed lately in groups online that the purpose of a submissive has been
lost. It is sad to see advertisements in
the Classifieds asking for a Dom. Subs
saying they need a Dom that can take care of them, pamper them, love them and take
care of their needs. Some even go as far
as explaining that they don’t like to be told what to do and are not looking
for a sadist.
Well
I am saddened by it because they forget that the main purpose of a sub/slave is
to serve their Master/Mistress. Their
goal is to please, and do as they are ordered.
Yes I said it, and I will go further, it took my vanilla husband to
remind me that my slave is to OBEY me. I
also forgot that myself, because life gets in the way and we forget. We do not live with a slave at our feet, and
the slave isn’t always chained to a bed.
This is real life and we must adjust because we are not in a fantasy
novel.
So
what is this? A sub is to obey, serve,
please and be loyal. A Master/Mistress
is to help the sub grow and reach their potential. They can reward the sub, but above all they
will treat the sub as their most prized possession. That doesn’t mean a Master/Mistress is there
to wait on the sub hand and foot and pamper and coddle them. A Master/Mistress will give the sub tasks to
perform in order to help them. And while
we speak of tasks, an online “Dom” asking a sub to insert things in their
various orifices and send pictures is not a task, it is a sad excuse of some
dude trying to get off without going to a porn site. How does that make a sub a better
person? Seriously, if you don’t believe
me, try it. A task maybe would be taking
picture of a part of their body they dislike.
A task may be to say hello to a stranger, or buy someone coffee to help
them with their shyness. Or write a list
of what she eats each day if she has issues with eating healthy. Seeing the list may help her re evaluate her
junk food habits. Maybe she is
overweight and needs motivation, so a Master/Mistress may have her post a
picture of her goal size on the fridge, and go to the gym three times a
week.
What
the sub does is what he/she is told to do, in order to please her
Master/Mistress. That may entail a wake
up call in the mornings, checking in during the day. It might be greeting him when he gets home,
or reminding him of his meetings. A
submissive at heart would be more than happy to do things to please his/her
Master/Mistress because it is in their nature.
BDSM
may or may not involve pain, the S & M part is optional, and many people
adjust their settings when it comes to their individual relationships. But what I see in those ads is someone is looking
for a sugar daddy, and that is very different than a Daddy Dom. If it is not in their heart to think of
others, and is only thinking of herself and what she gets out of it, then it
isn’t good.
A
D/s relationship is a power exchange relationship. One person relinquishes all or some power to
another, depending on what they agreed on.
But even though it is that way, both the Dominant and the submissive
reap benefits. I just find it odd that a
submissive would demand those benefits without even thinking of what she has to
offer. Both people are thinking of the
other, the Dom looks for the best interest of the sub, and the sub takes care
of their Dom/me’s needs. It does go both
ways even though the power has been exchanged.
This is when a contract comes in handy; everyone’s rights and
responsibilities are listed there in black and white.
A
submissive is a strong person, and can speak up, but in a respectful
manner. They don’t demand things or
speak ill of their Master/Mistress. The
actions and behavior of a sub reflects on a Master/Mistress. If you go to a dungeon with your
Master/Mistress and do not act respectful or start whining, demanding things or
acting a fool, it makes the Master/Mistress look like he/she failed to train
the sub properly and can be terribly embarrassing. That is just an example; this also means that
when online a sub/slave should act in a way that makes their Master/Mistress
proud. They do this by showing that they
are learning, improving themselves, not causing drama and gossip, and
definitely not speaking ill of their Dominant.
This doesn’t mean they cannot ask for advice and ask questions, it can
be done respectfully. Asking questions
is part of learning, when a person stops asking questions, it means they lost
interest.
It
is also a wise thing to do when just meeting a new Dominant, online or in
person. It is very important to ask
questions about them and to them. Do not
trust anyone who says you cannot ask about them. It would be ideal to meet or talk to their
friends and make sure the person has a somewhat good reputation. I know, it would be biased since they are
friends, but it’s a start. Remember,
when starting up a D/s relationship, think of it as a regular relationship and
take the same safety measures you would take.
If you are looking at someone to be your Dominant, you can research,
he/she cannot tell you not to, you should not have offered your submission to
them unless you know they are safe and you trust them.
I
hope this explains at least the very basics of what the purpose of a sub/slave
is.
~Sam
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