Books



Intro

This is Rosie Jones writing to you all. I am sending this out to the interwebs hoping it will help us find our dearest Katie.

We live at “The Retreat”. We are part of the family who runs this beautiful ranch in the middle of nowhere, California.

It has been a rough month so far, too many things hitting us at once. Peter was gone to train with the Army, and I live here with my husband, my two sisters, and Peter’s parents. Peter’s wife, (my closest dearest friend) Katie has been missing for a month. It was terrible news for Peter, who came back from training to find Katie was gone.

None of us had any idea of where she was going to on the weekends. She had been leaving for the weekend for a few months now, telling us that she was going to San Diego. Now thinking back, I should have paid more attention. I have been busy with the baby and my new husband; I was distracted and didn’t realize something was off. Mom and dad were so preoccupied with trying to keep The Resort afloat, with my husband busy helping them. We all got wrapped up in our own situations, that we didn’t see it.

Katie was feeling lonely when Peter left. I was there for her for a few days, but after that, the baby kept me busy and I figured Katie would be all right. We all thought that since we were here, and she wasn’t alone, she would eventually get back to the swing of things. But we were wrong; she went from bad to worse. Mom took her to the doctor, and she came back medicated. But the medications were not working right, and she still had panic attacks. I took her back a few times, other times mom took her. The doctor kept adjusting the medications, and she was seeing a psychiatrist. One day she ended up taking too many Xanax at night, and gave us a good scare. I still remember her slight figure stumbling unsteadily to our little house, which is behind the big house where she lived with mom, dad, and my sisters. She was in her white nightgown, which was all torn and dirty now. She looked like some crazy ghost coming out of the dark. I was in the front porch with Alex having a glass of wine, and it was late at night. The baby had finally fallen asleep, so we sat outside for a while.

When we saw her, Alex ran to her and I followed. She said she was looking for Peter, and said he must be home. We tried to tell her he isn’t here, and she doesn’t live here anymore; their home is the big house now. We tried to explain that Peter is in training with the Army and will be back soon, but it was useless. We thought she had been drinking, but she told us that she did a bad thing. We asked what happened, she said she took the pills, and handed us the empty bottle. She whimpered “help me?” That is when I felt my blood go cold.

I ran to get the phone and dialed 911. When I came back, she was sitting on the ground outside in front of the house, and Alex was trying to make her throw up by putting his fingers down her throat. I was shaking, it was a terrible night. How should I deal with seeing the person I had always looked up to, as a frail lost soul? She was my rock, my angel, my love. How do I process this? My heart was breaking.

She was having seizures by the time the ambulance took her, and they wrote it down that as an overdose, and kept her three days in the hospital. At the risk of sounding cold and calculating, I will say that I am glad that my sisters didn’t witness any of it. We told them Auntie Katie was sick and had to go to the hospital.

When we brought Katie back home, she said she was all right now and she said she felt terrible about what she had done. She promised not to do that again, but we kept a closer eye on her.

Katie seemed fine, but seems she was irritable, not her usual self. She started swearing and whispering to herself a lot. Each time I caught a bit of it, I would ask her what’s going on; she would say “nothing”. One day I actually asked her “what did you say?” She insisted that she said nothing at all.

She started distancing herself from me, and later from mom and dad as well. I tried to include her in activities with Alex and the children, she sometimes joined us. But later on she started spending too much time in her room. I should have paid attention and seen the signs.

Why didn’t we see it? Why didn’t we do something? She was changing, and we didn’t pay attention. Even the way she dressed when she left for the weekend was not like her. She never dressed in black like that. I saw her leave wearing a dark burgundy skirt, knee high boots and a black corset she had covered up with a little shirt. Her clothes and her makeup made her look dark, almost as if she as headed out to hang out with the old BDSM crowd. We have not been there in quite a while, and I know she wouldn’t go there alone. She sure wasn’t going to see her aunt dressed like that! I didn’t want to alarm mom and dad, so I kept it to myself. I let her keep telling them she was visiting her aunt. I was so wrong; I should have not covered up any of it. I just figured she needed a little space, a little time to herself away from home.

I will say, that even with all her changes, she never took off the collar Peter placed on her. Even when she shut us out and waned to be in her room alone, even when she left us for the weekend and came back looking worn out and tired. She always smiled when she touched her collar. You could see it in her eyes, that she was in her happy place. When she touched it, her eyes sparkled a little.

I wish we could have stopped her from leaving on the weekends. I wish she would have talked to me, maybe it was my fault. I didn’t try hard enough to get through to her. Maybe it was all of us; one of us should have told Peter something was wrong.

Well, all I can do now is publish her journal, in hopes to show the world that Katie is loved. Peter said it was OK with him, even though many entries are so personal. He said that if it helps bring her back, it wouldn’t bother him one bit. He just wants our beloved Katie back. Maybe someone has seen her, so I am including a picture as well. This is Katie’s story, please help us find her.





INTRODUCTION


I finally made back to the United States! I felt a wave of relief as I saw the American flag waving gently in the breeze, as magnificent as ever. As soon as I crossed the border, I pulled over into a Jack in the Box to grab some food. The border area is always so crowded and dirty, but I was quite hungry. While I was standing in line, I met a girl with dark stringy hair in a braid. She was wearing a plaid shirt over a little tank top, jean shorts and sneakers. She caught my eye, because her dark warm eyes kept staring at me looking for some magical answers. She asked me if she could sit at my table, since there was nowhere left to sit in there; I said it would be fine. I asked her if she had been out partying across the border. She told me she had gone to Mexico with some friends and that at some point during the night, she lost track of them. She asked if I could give her a ride further up the freeway into San Diego. I asked where she was going, and she told me she was headed to a friend’s house in Clairemont; I agreed to take her there and drop her off. Her name was Megan, and she was from Texas, like my family. We talked a little more, finished eating and took off. Megan had to sit with Arkansas in the carrier on her lap. It was that, or she would be sitting in the back with two large lovable mutts.

With Megan sleeping in the passenger seat, I drove down that crowded California freeway, wondering what ever led me to this stage in life. I know I did my best, and cannot allow myself to feel guilty about my decision. I had to leave, I had to cut my losses and end things. Life goes on; it didn’t have to end there. There were many nights when I went driving around to calm down, and the thought invaded my mind. I wondered how it would feel if I just smashed into that wall. Would anyone miss me? But then I remembered that I do not have anything to leave behind for anyone. I don’t mean property or belongings, I mean, I have not accomplished anything in life; I had not made a difference in anyone’s life.

When I went into that marriage, we were in love, and Eddie was a promising young man with a bright future ahead of him. I thought this marriage was a good choice. Eddie came highly recommended, since his mom was a good friend of the family. Little did I know of what was lurking in the horizon.

Eddie, the tall handsome man with shaggy blond hair and that huge bright smile, would later on become my rock. Not the rock you lean on and hold onto, but the one who would eventually try to sink me with him.

He had great dreams of becoming a successful man with a career as a loan broker one day. I had a dream of a little house at the edge of a town, with a couple of children playing in the yard. God had different plans for us, there was no happily ever after here. There were many wrenches thrown into our plans; many struggles. I am not sure who did what; we both had our faults in the matter. I was impatient, and he had tunnel vision. He seemed to be reaching for everything at once, like a greedy child reaching into grandma’s candy jar.

We had to let go of the apartment we were renting when Eddie lost his job as a bank teller. He did find a job right away, as a security guard. I started looking for work, but without much of a track record, all I was able to do is take a part time as a cashier in a fast food place. It felt like I was wasting away as a cashier; there was no opportunity for growth. It was definitely temporary work meant to keep us going.

We had to move in with friends and rent a room. At first, I felt bad because it felt like we got knocked down a peg. But our roommates were fun, and treated us like family. These were Eddie’s friends from college, and he was also comfortable. We had great days while we were there. We would go to Balboa Park and the beach. Since Eddie was working nights, when he had a day off, we would go out to the beach at night with our roommates. It was during this time that we adopted Willie and Nellie at an adoption event at Balboa Park. Two beautiful black labs that were loving and playful. They got along with our roommate Ryan’s cat, Arkansas, which was a huge plus.

After a few months, Eddie got a job as a loan broker finally; his dream job! When he got this job, he told me we could afford a home. Somehow he bought us a new car, and a modest little home in a quiet neighborhood. I went shopping for new clothes, new furniture, remodeled the kitchen and painted the house. We went all out, because now we were going to be all right.

After that settling in and several shopping sprees, Eddie would take us to Vegas on weekend trips with another couple, Stanley and Haley. Stanley and Eddie told us these trips were paid for, a business perk offered by the company. We had a great time! What happens in Vegas... Oh and things did happen!

All the fun, all the new toys, all the trips, it was all a mirage. I found out the truth when Eddie ended up in the hospital the first time; it was a stress related incident. The doctors said he had overdosed on Valium. They suspected this was brought on by too much stress and a hint of depression. They kept him for three days to make sure the medication kicked in, then sent him to see a psychiatrist.

After that hospital visit, our life crumbled; all the paper dolls fell, and the house of popsicle sticks burnt to the ground. We lost our home, our car and even had our furniture repossessed. I inevitably found out that Eddie was buying all of it on credit, counting on big earnings in his new job, but he had counted the chickens before the eggs hatched. Then someone dropped the egg basket and it all ended there.

After that, the darkness crept in further, and Eddie had a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t afford to have one, so I found help for us.

The story of my life, I keep getting back up after each fall; I just wasn’t planning to fall. I just couldn’t afford to give up. Since I was young, I was taught to fight for what I want. Go onward and forward, no fear! My mom taught me that when I was little. I can still see her preparing our meals in the kitchen. I loved to see her honey brown hair glow with the sunlight as she stood at the sink washing dishes. Her brown hair was fine and soft; it was a little past her shoulders, with a claw clip holding it together. She was slender, which made her look tall. Mom always smelled like citrus and flowers. Her smile could brighten a whole room, and her green eyes had a sparkle in them that danced when she sang to me at bed time.

Unfortunately, she died when I was ten. She had gone to visit her family in San Bernardino, California. Her sister, my auntie Shelley had an emergency surgery to remove her gallbladder. Mom was going to go help take care of her while she recovered; she was only supposed to be there for a week. She took a bus from San Antonio Texas, and never made it to California. But I will always remember what she taught me. I shall never give up, I am stronger than I know, and smarter than I feel.





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