Ball Gags

Ball Gag Safety for Beginners
Posted on September 12, 2012by scarletrosefox

Gags are rather fun to use, especially ball gags. They leave the mouth open and while the person wearing it can still make a slight bit of muffled noise, I have noticed its more about that humiliation that it causes. As when you talk it is unintelligible, distorts your features and causes the wearer to drool. Knowing that you cannot control it can be a turn on for both the wearer and the person who put it on you.

However, like any BDSM accessory you want to know how to use it safely. While I am mentioned ball gags the most here, these are things that can be remembered with all gags.

What is a Ball Gag?

A ball gag is a gag made specifically for gagging and usually includes a ball of some sort on a piece of some sort of fabric. The ball is slipped into your captive’s mouth then you fasten the straps around your partners head to keep the gag in place.

They provide a full feeling for the person wearing it as they fill up the mouth nicely. However because of their large size, many people’s jaws can tire quicker then they would with other gags. So it pays to take the time and do the research on the gags you plan to get. Find out measurements to make sure it is going to be comfortable but still do what it is that you want from your gag.

Also, keep in mind fabrics being used in the construction of the ball gag. I find that leather and suede tend to bite less into the skin they say one made with rubber straps. And a ball made from silicone or is best. Hard plastic ball gags have the worry that you may chip a tooth if you are biting down to hard on it. Rubber, while it does have give you do need to be careful in using because of chemicals that rubber can contain like phthalates.

Safeword?

Seeming you cannot be heard at least not very well, trying to use your safe word when you have a ball gag in your mouth is hard and at most, just downright unusable. So what is one to do instead so that they are able to inform their Dom/Top that they need to stop.

An Object in the Hand – Holding a ball that you can drop, a bell that you can ring or any other object that brings attention to itself.

Repeated Movement – Such as opening and closing your hands, snapping your fingers or moving the head up and down.

Repeated Sound – Making a number of rhythmic grunts or other pre-defined noises that can be made clearly with the gag in place.

Check in – Having your Dom/Top check in with you either verbally or if you have become nonverbal due to subspace placing a finger in the Sub/Bottoms hand to squeeze.

Clear Breathing

A gag does interfere with breathing, you never want to leave a gagged play partner unattended. Also, gags should not be used unless the nasal passage way is completely clear. In this case vented ball gags made with whiffle like balls can be much safer then solid balls. Though they can be harder to clean and sanitize due to getting saliva in the ball itself.

In the same vein, gags can sometimes induce vomiting because it may trigger the gag reflex. If they where to still be gagged when vomiting it could be fatal.

Position

On this one I speak more from personal experience, as it has happened to me. I have found that the best positions when using a ball gag are when you are in an upright position (sitting up, standing up) or when your head is pointing down. I found this allows for any saliva build up to be able to move in a way that isn’t back down the throat that could lead to more gagging.

Don’t forget your Jaw!

If you have any jaw injuries it can make wearing a ball gag slightly uncomfortable. You don’t have to avoid it, but you do what to modify your play slightly.

A ball gag shouldn’t be worn for more than 10 to 20 minutes at a time when you are starting out. Your muscles can become fatigued, and less resilient as you are playing with the muscles in your jaw and mouth. As soon as it becomes too painful, take it out. As you become more experienced with gags you can certainly wear them for longer periods of time. But remember, using gags too often can actually injure your jaw.

Furries

Furry Fandom Is More Than Furry Fetish
October 10, 2014
BY: KATY WILLIS

The world of furry fandom is shrouded in mystery. It’s dismissed, ridiculed, and, when it does get attention, portrayed as a community of dysfunctional sex addicts: people dressed as animals having weird sex in odd places.

But sex has little to do with the furry lifestyle. The thriving subculture is instead a community of men and women who have a fascination, obsession, or affinity with anthropomorphic animals—that is, animals that can walk, talk, and possess other human traits.

For many furries, the obsession begins and ends with furry-centric cartoons, literature, and art. They indulge their furdom online, creating avatars in MMORPGs or Second Life. Others, known as “fursuiters,” who account for no more than half of the furry population, wear costumes and congregate for meetings and conventions. The most devoted, though, develop “fursonas” and take on the mannerisms of their chosen animal, undergoing surgery to more accurately resemble their furry identity.

What exactly does that look like? According to Portland-based professor Dr. Martin Donohoe, “A person with a tiger for an alter ego may have stripes tattooed on their body, sharpened canines, and implanted whiskers.”

For some, it’s a way to truly express themselves. “You get to choose who and what you are,” says Mark Merlino, whose furry alter ego goes by Sylys Sable. “Imagination is okay, no matter what your age.”

Marshall Woods, who describes his alter ego Lenya as a “sort of space weasel,” says, “It’s simultaneously disorienting and exhilarating.”

Furries flock to the lifestyle for the freedom of expression, lessened inhibitions, and a sense of exhilaration—the same things that drive the everyday person. They just happen to manifest in a different way.

Pet Play and Human Pets: A Primer

By lunaKM on April 15, 2009

Today’s post comes from Skylerpet, a submissive pet in a D/s relationship who volunteered to write an essay for me after seeing the Weekly Tips on YouTube. Thank you Skylerpet! She has since written another short piece specifically onHuman Pets that you can read here.

Pet play is one of the most unique, one of the least known and in my opinion one of the most fun and entertaining sub-cultures in the BDSM, D/s and “kink” lifestyle. Now, I write this from the perspective of a submissive female, so please keep in mind that it can be changed around to any form you want.

Pet play involves one or more people acting as an animal with typically the submissive being the animal and the Dominant being the “Owner” and/or “Trainer.” I have heard of the Dominant being the animal and Dominating his/her submissive that way, such as holding the submissive down with a bite on the neck, but I am unfamiliar with this.

What animals are common for submissives to be? Most commonly you will see ponies, puppies and pigs. I myself have been a kitty and as of this writing am a puppy. Less frequently I have also seen bunnies, cows and once a seal, though I have no experience with these animals.

For me, one of the biggest reasons I enjoy pet play, aside from it simply being fun, is that it reinforces the Owner/owned relationship. Non-human pets are owned and completely dependent on their owner. They get fed when the owner decides and only then. Their toys and medical care is wholly dependent upon the owner remembering and doing. In a 24/7 D/s relationship this is often times also true. The slave is fed after their Owner has eaten. They wear what their Owner wishes, sleeps when and where their Owner tells them, and follows the rules their Owner dictates. So it is with non-human pets. The only difference is that your non-human pets didn’t consent. You choose them and bring them home upon your own whim. With D/s pet play, the submissive consents to be the property of their Owner. For me, being an animal, being “less than human” reinforces my Dom’s Domination of me. He is a Man and wholly human. I am a pup. His pup.

How is the animal chosen?

There are typically three ways.

· One way is the submissive acting upon his/her instincts to which animal they most identify with. If the submissive is loyal and playful perhaps they lean towards puppy. If they enjoy being led around and high protocol training perhaps it would be pony.

· One other common way for the animal to be chosen is for the Dominant to choose for the submissive. If S/He prefers a puppy to a kitty, the submissive will be molded into a puppy. As another example if the Dom is a farmer who enjoys breastfeeding from His submissive, perhaps He would like her to be a cow.

· The submissive can also switch animals from time to time if their pet play is temporary, if they simply enjoy experimentation or if they do not identify with one particular animal.

Why pet play?

· One large reason many D/s couples go into pet play is for the humiliation and dependence aspect. Restricting a submissive’s movement and vocalizations forces them to be that much more dependent on their Dom. Also, not being allowed on furniture or having to use a litter box instead of a toilet can be very humiliating for some.

· Another is because it is simply fun. It is a great psychological and emotional release to be able to come home and let loose the restrictions of humanity and what humans are “supposed to be like.” It is just plain fun to bat around a cat toy or play tricks and get treat rewards. It could also be described as a “de-stressing” process from the rigors of daily life, especially if the participants work outside the home.

· It can help with submission, as taking away some parts of the submissive’s humanity can help take away their sense of equality. It can help the submissive orient their mind to their Dom being their focus in life.

· Pet play could also be used as punishment. If the submissive misbehaves badly it could be punishment to be put out in the pig stalls with the pigs for a period of time, or whatever animal is available, and made to act like that animal as the punishment.

How does one engage in pet play?

· Restrict movement via bondage.

· Restrict verbal communication, perhaps to only certain words or animal sounds such as “woof!” or “mew!” or more child-like words such as “up!” or “potty!”.

· Training exercises such as tricks for puppies, walking on leads and leashes or for ponies pulling a cart/plow.

· Eating and drinking out of bowls without the use of hands and/or silverware.

· Learning to use a litter box instead of a toilet, or even going outside.

· Playing with toys, such as batting toys for kitties or tug-of-war toys for puppies.

· Begging in the manner of the animal you identify with, such as a puppy whining.

· Caging.

· Not being allowed on furniture without permission.

Also, safety is incredibly important!

So please keep these things in mind, and also any others that fit your lifestyle:

· When it comes to eating actual animal food, while it is okay for perhaps a short scene, it is not safe to do so on a regular basis. Humans have different nutritional needs than animals do, and it is incredibly important to get your nutritional needs met. There are many ways to simulate animal food and treats such as mashing up meatloaf with ketchup, using stews or even baking treats in the shapes of bones and such. However, for any long term play, Eukanuba, Purina and any other brand of animal food you use, are for canines and felines, not humans.

· If you choose to use training and/or shock collars, please, PLEASE read the instructions! On a personal level I am not into electric play, but it is out there. So please, be careful and safe.

· If you put your pup slave into a kennel, please keep in mind that they are very cramped. You do not want your pup slave to be damaged from being in that position for long periods of time.

· If the submissive has had their ability to move and speak restricted it is incredibly important that some form of communication is available to them so that they may communicate if something has happened and/or gone wrong, both physically and emotionally.

· Also, in my opinion having a human pet can add some responsibility to the Dom because when some of the submissive’s humanity is taken away and especially if their communication is restricted, the Dominant must that much more aware of the submissive’s frame of mind.

So that’s a very basic overview of pet play. It can get a lot more specific if one looks at each relationship and the animal(s) involved. A note though; pet play sometimes can be sexual, and sometimes can be completely non-sexual. It, as with everything else, simply depends on the couple involved. Please keep in mind that I am in no way speaking of bestiality. This is two or more human beings acting and role playing within the confines of their negotiated relationship.

Most importantly: Have fun and ask questions if you need or want to!!

In my opinion, pet play can deepen submission, but only if it’s right for you.

Of Dom/mes and Monsters

I could not stomach the 50 shades book; a friend had asked me to read it. I tried, but I just could not get past the girl’s blushing; it sounded like a love struck teenager wrote it. I did go watch the movie with my sub; I was curious. I totally understand the feelings portrayed ever so slightly by Christian; he seemed so repressed and miserable, but there was something that seemed familiar. I was hung up on one thing though. When Anastasia asked him if he gets off on beating women, and then asked why he can’t be normal. I felt like it hit a nerve. So if he is a sadist, and enjoys giving pain to another, that makes him a monster? There is a huge difference between consensual BDSM (where there is consensual pain), and abuse, (non-consensual pain).



I know many Dominants are not into pain, it is different in my case. So this explains part of my motivation. Since I was 12 I have been having fantasies that I thought would make me a monster. The things that turned me on always involved violence, but I never said a thing. I was going to catholic school, I didn’t even tell the priest at the confessional. I was terrified that someone may find out, I was afraid of my own drive at this point. I suppressed it for a long time, but my day dreams were always violent and about control over another person. I have a hard time even as I write it out now.



I was taught D/s when I was 18-19, but I didn’t get as far as pain was concerned. I still had my monster suppressed very securely in the dark recesses of my heart. I sometimes slipped up and hurt my partner during sex, but he seemed to not take notice much. We would usually be drinking, and I don’t think he remembers.



A few years ago, my best friend asked to become my sub. He submitted to me and it blew me away. We had been talking for years, and at some point I told him I had this monster. I told him about some of my fantasies. When he was receptive, so I let out all my secrets. He wanted to be mine, and receive the pain that I may give. I tried it once, and then switched to feel what he felt. I realized I loved every bit of it, except I am resistant to giving up control. But now I felt the other end of the stick, so to speak. Now I understood why he liked it, and it made me weak in the knees. We both found acceptance of our deepest desires, and it was amazing that we found our other puzzle piece.



I do not “get off” by beating people. What turns me on is feeling his fire. He enjoys the pain I give, he accepts me for who I am, a sadist. He doesn’t accept the pain only to make me happy; I can tell by his body language that he enjoys what I have to give. That feeds into me, and back into him. As I use implements to cause him pain, I often ask how he is doing. He has told me that he can tell if I am not giving my all, and controlling myself too much.



Sometimes playtime is like walking a tight rope; you have to walk that thin line between total control over yourself and your emotions, and loosing yourself. When you start losing yourself, that is called Dom-space. When you are about to “lose it” you need to stop immediately; your sub’s safety is now at risk. When I got there the first time, it frightened me. I felt like I was enjoying it too much, and about to lose control. I was flogging my sub, and was hitting harder and harder. He was sweating and had been feeling a lot of pain by now. Somehow between his body language and the music, I wanted so badly to let go. You know, like when a horse decides to ignore the rider and run wild with no control whatsoever. I heard my sub scream in pain, (he doesn’t do that often, this was probably the only time). That threw me over the edge, and I had to stop immediately. If I remember correctly I dropped to my knees, and put down the flogger. I had to breathe, and regain my control; it felt better than any sex, ever. It was a high like no other. So now what? Does that make me a monster? I stand on my belief that it would only make me one, if I was doing this to an unwilling victim. Once I regained my control I got up and started winding my sub down to cool down. We had a talk later about it.



What I am getting at, is that I agree that we all have a monster inside. Most people either block it out, or repress it. Some people hate that monster; others are terrified to even acknowledge it. I am grateful to be one of the few lucky ones who are able to control and embrace this monster. I have been so relieved to have found others like me, and find out I am not alone. I met some wonderful people at our local dungeon. I saw that we are not completely crazy, but fortunate to have found our other half to our puzzle. We have a deep understanding of ourselves and our submissives. Our subs are our most precious possession, and we treasure them accordingly. Our connection is so much deeper, because there is a great acceptance, and huge trust.



I have found myself circling my sub like a wild animal about to pounce on their prey, and it’s totally acceptable to us. I feel free to be myself, and I feel so alive at that precise moment. I am only telling you what I see and feel from my perspective, everyone’s experiences are different.



As excited as we all feel of being able to control our monster, and let it come out to play, unfortunately it’s not something we can be openly proud of. Some things need to be kept private; we can’t go out to buy groceries with a slave on a leash, but we can smile on the thought of them waiting for us when the time comes to be with them.





~Sam

We’re Kinky, Not Crazy

Including “paraphilic disorders” in the DSM V is redundant, unscientific, and stigmatizing. 

By Jillian Keenan 

Pic-A woman is restrained in a device called "The Gate" 
at the DomConLA convention on May 18, 2012, in Los Angeles. 


Photo by David McNew/Getty Images 



The American Psychiatric Association has decided that people with kinky sexual interests (which—let’s just get this out of the way—includes me) don’t necessarily have mental disorders. That seems like good news, right? If we look up sexual masochism, fetishism, transvestism, or sadism in the forthcoming fifth edition of theDiagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, they won’t be there! In their place, we’ll find a new list of “paraphilic disorders”: sexual masochism disorder, fetishistic disorder, transvestic disorder, and so on. The difference? To be diagnosed with one of these noncriminal sexual disorders, the person must “feel personal distress about their interest.”

Simply put, the DSM V will say that happy kinksters don’t have a mental disorder. But unhappy kinksters do.

Some sexual minorities have applauded this diagnostic compromise as a step forward. It isn’t. This is just the same routine that the psychiatric community dragged homosexuality through decades ago, and adult, consensual (in other words, noncriminal) expressions of atypical sexuality should be removed from the DSMentirely for many of the same reasons that homosexuality was.

In 1952, the DSM I officially categorized homosexuality as a mental disorder. As the gay rights movement gathered momentum in the 1960s, however, the psychiatric community introduced a diagnostic compromise by saying that people who were comfortable with their sexual orientation did not have a mental disorder. The APA triumphantly removed general homosexuality from the DSM in 1973. But for people who were "in conflict with" their homosexuality, they introduced a new condition instead: “sexual orientation disturbance” (SOD). The 1980 DSM III replaced SOD with "ego-dystonic homosexuality," but the basic principle remained the same: Happy homosexuals did not have a mental disorder, while unhappy ones did.

The term paraphilia—which sexologist John Money defined as unusual sexual interests—first appeared in the DSM III. (Before that, the DSM II listed homosexuality, masochism, sadism, transvestism, fetishism, and other consensual minority sexualities alongside criminal pedophilia and frotteurism in the category of “sexual deviations.”) Although there were minor wording changes to the subsequent DSM IV and DSM IV-TR, psychiatric consensus continued to lump noncriminal paraphilias together with criminal paraphilias as mental disorders.

Thankfully, all forms of homosexuality (including ego-dystonic homosexuality) were finally removed from the DSM in 1987, after a long struggle and far too late. Noncriminal sexual paraphilias should also be removed for many of the same reasons that homosexuality was: People who are stigmatized and misunderstood, such as sexual minorities, might be unhappy—but the unhappiness itself is the problem that should be treated, not the person’s sexual identity or practice.

To be clear, I’m not comparing the experience of being kinky to the experience of being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. No one is trying to stop kinky people from getting married or, with a few exceptions, threaten our physical safety. The LGBTQ community has serious human rights violations to contend with; most kinksters face nothing more serious than internal turmoil, awkward conversations with new partners, and cultural mockery.

That being said, DSM-based diagnoses do have real-life consequences for all sexual minorities. They have influenced employment decisions, child custody proceedings,security clearances, and health insurance coverage. Social stigma is no joke, either. A 2006 study found that of 1,017 self-identified BDSM practitioners, 36 percent had experienced violence or harassment because of their sexuality, and 30 percent had been the victim of job discrimination. (William Saletan’s recent Slate story, which incorrectly argued that “everything we condemn outside the world of kink is celebrated within it,” doesn’t help.)

The DSM has a profound impact on societal attitudes toward kinksters, which can in turn influence how we are perceived by our friends, sexual partners, and—most significantly for mental health—by ourselves.

It’s a bizarre cycle. According to the APA’s paraphilias fact sheet for the forthcomingDSM, I can be diagnosed with “sexual masochism disorder” if I feel “personal distress” about my sexuality. Usually, I don’t. But the moments when I do feel distressed (when I wonder if, perhaps, there might really be something wrong with me) occur when I receive unsolicited emails from psychiatrists who have read my public disclosuresabout my sexuality and reach out to offer their services.

Of course, some people are genuinely, consistently distressed by their atypical sexual urges and fantasies. A few psychiatrists have argued that by including the paraphilic disorders in the DSM, the door remains open for those individuals to seek treatment. I’m not convinced. In fact, I have nothing but faith that if someone genuinely wants psychiatric care, the mental health community will find a way to provide it.

A person who feels persistent personal distress about the shape of her nose, for example, can access psychiatric treatment despite the fact that “nose perception disorder” is not listed in the DSM—she can be treated for body dysmorphic disorder, depression, or a whole host of other broadly defined issues. Along the same lines, someone who is deeply dismayed by his masochistic sexual urges, for example, doesn’t need to be diagnosed with “sexual masochism disorder.” He could be treated for “sexual disorder not otherwise specified,” identity problems, or adjustment disorder—all of which are already listed in the DSM. Isolating specific paraphilias as potential “disorders” is redundant. Worse, that specificity suggests that there is something unique to people with certain atypical sexual urges that makes us more likely to be mentally disordered than anyone else.

Despite its best efforts, the DSM still allows existing sexual stigmas and social norms to define whether a sexual practice is “healthy.” (After all, 20 years ago, it would have been very easy for bigots to describe homosexuality as an unhealthy urge akin to alcoholism.) That’s why social conventions can’t dictate “health”—that must be determined by clear and compelling medical evidence. Alcohol dependence, for example, is medically harmful. Homosexuality is not. Neither is a consensual expression of atypical sexuality. Even the more colorful aspects of BDSM aren't necessarily riskier than skiing, football, or even ballet. (Saletan’s examples of long-term harm come from the porn industry, which isn’t exactly known for protecting actors specializing in any genre. And as Dan Savage points out, the kinkster community has an ethic of safety and communication.)

The fundamental tenet of medicine is, “First, do no harm.” But every day, I receive emails from kinky men and women around the world who tell me about their incredible loneliness and shame. Many of them cite the psychiatric understanding of paraphilias—a de facto endorsement of social stigma—as a partial source of their isolation. The continued presence of the paraphilias (despite their superficial name change) in the forthcoming DSM V is redundant, unscientific, unnecessary, and harmful to millions of kinksters. The paraphilic disorders are also harmful to the field of psychiatry itself. Psychiatry is a noble profession, and I have no doubt that the members of the DSM paraphilias subworkgroup have nothing but the best and kindest intentions. I’m sure they just want to help. But continuing to pathologize noncriminal atypical sexualities only hurts all of us. (And not in the fun way.)

What is Primal Play?

By slavekathy on July 26, 2013






This post is part of an effort to provide a glossary for novice submissives of words commonly seen across this site and in theBDSM community.


Mr. Samsonite. Every group has one; you know, the guy who can’t show up to theplay party without enough luggage to go on a two-week European tour? He puts on his little kid gloves and unpacks hisembarrassment of kinky riches, and by the time he gets them all out, the party is halfway over. We all know this dominant, and his precise, measured method of play. It’s fine if it works for him. However, what if Mr. Mechanical isn’t what gets your juices flowing? Many slaves and submissives enjoy a more hands-on approach to play, and no expensive tools or toys are required.You were born with all the kink toys you need for playing primal: teeth, nails, hair and skin.






Pure and abject submission isn’t what’s called for here; the dominant who prefers primal play wants to fight. Primal play may be your perfect fit if you’re the bratty sub who yearns to be overwhelmed, conquered and forced to submit to a stronger, more powerful dominant.






A primal play scene may look like wrestling or even martial arts. There may be pressure points involved, and even rope bondage, but the thing that sets primal play apart from other types is raw, emotional, sexual feelings displayed. All of the labels, roles, and protocols go out the window during primal play, and the bottomcan become a snarling, growing, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away. More sensual types of primal play can look like two animals greeting each other. The top can sniff the submissive, growl in her ear, pull her hair back and bite her neck while holding her immobile.






One caveat: if you’re going to do some of the more edgy types of primal play in a public playspace, be sure to let the DM’s know what it is you are doing. Primal play is just that…primal, and it can be disturbing to observers who may not be familiar with the concept of a s-type actually fighting back in earnest.






References





Primal Play – The Animal Within (FetLife Group)

Ramping

So what is ramping? Ramping is a process some Dom/mes use in certain

activities. It is a slow build up to a peak, holding the sub at the peak for a while and then slowly coming back down so that the endorphins/high and the feeling of closeness, care and love aren't lost.


Example of what could occur if ramping is used:


The Dom/me might take their doeskin flogger and begin the flogging with a slow steady rhythm. When they feel you have reached the plateau they wish, they would then switch to a light suede flogger. Once again when you reach a point they feel is right, they would then switch to a heavy suede flogger. Again another level is reached and they switch to a braided elephant hide flogger. Then a stingy rubber whip gets added as the sub flies/floats to another level. Now to get to that peak a single tail or cane is used. They hold you there till you think you can't take another stroke. The sensation changes its the stingy rubber whip again, then after a time the elephant flogger, now you can't put your finger on it, ahhhhh a knotted rope flogger. Slowly the sub is coming down but the high is continuing. Such a balance the Dom/me must use not to jar you out of the floating wonderful subbie high you have going. The heavy suede flogger, yummmmmm, now the light suede flogger, soft moans and sighs....the doeskin flogger.....feels like you are melting into a puddle on the floor, the room looks like it is filled with fog. Oh ah, yum bunny fur being rubbed over your flogged body, OH MY!, fingernails on freshly flogged body, yum bunny fur again. Ah my Dom/me pressing themselves into me, holding me. I feel so close, it feels so right, it feels so loving, so safe, so warm. I never want to go without this in my life, never want to be without my Dom/me. I love you Sir/Ma'am/Master/Mistress. <soft content smile> They love me too.





By: BDSM for beginners

Flogging tutorial (Florentine and other types)

I find that this tutorial is excellent, it explains not only the technique, but ways to change the way you deliver.  I highly suggest watching, and then reading on the document "Ramping".  

Dipping in the Pool of Reality

I want to share this article, in my opinion, it's one of the best I have seen out there.
Author unknown
Shared By David Coates in 2013
in BDSM support and Info

You do have rights, and you have the right to walk away. If you believe otherwise, it is time for a dip in the reality pool.

No man has an erection continuously, unless they are experiencing priapism, in which case, a doctor's visit is in order.

There is such a thing as premenstrual syndrome (PMS), and no amount of dominance is going to make it go away.

A chainsaw is not a sex toy.

Your cyber safe-word is the off button on the front of your computer. Use it!

There is going to be a time when you do not feel like having sex. It does happen, so prepare yourself mentally for it.

24/7 is not a myth. 24/7 in chains, naked and kneeling is.

There will come a time when you see your Dominant or sub scratching themselves, belching, and in need of a shower. Prepare yourself for that as well.

No one understands your collar but you. Showing it off at Wal-Mart is not exactly a statement.

The distance is not insurmountable, it is inconvenient and irritating, and it will grate on your nerves unless you fill your time with other things.

Eventually, you are going to have to take those cuffs off to take the kids to the doctor. Get used to it.
Speaking of doctors, tell yours what you are into currently, or possibly be prepared to deal with social services on a regular basis.

You really do not need another flogger. What you need is a new microwave and a pair of hundred-dollar tennis shoes for your teenager. Know when to say when to the toy bag.

People get sick. People die. Use a condom, please, unless you have been tested twice in the last year, and so has your partner.

Do not walk away from your friends. You might well need them later, when your dream Dominant turns into a frog, or your submissive into to a Decepticunt.

If you want something, ask. Ask respectfully, ask in role, ask in good faith, but ask. If you do not, chances are, you are not going get it.

Just because you call yourself a slave or Master does not mean that others will agree with your definition. Be prepared to defend your views, but do not bark at others for their opinions. They have a right to them, same as you do.

Find a way to orgasm without BDSM. You may need that someday.

There are things you will not do. Trust me. Maybe you just have not been asked to do them yet.

This is not always all about sex. Do not expect to get a nut every time you play, then you won't be disappointed when it happens to you. Orgasms are nice, but not mandatory.

Your Dominant is not clairvoyant.

Forever is not as long as you might think. Sometimes, it is just until she changes her mind again.

The Mistress is not always dressed in thigh-highs and hose. The Dominant does not always have his flogger nearby. Sometimes, it is time for sweat pants and hot cocoa.

An argument is not the end of the world. Not resolving it, however, might be.

Sometimes, a fuck is just a fuck, a beating is just a beating, and a kiss is just a kiss. Enjoy it, remember it, and move along.

I hope you have enjoyed your dip in the reality pool. Wipe your feet before going back in the house, and do not drip jism on my new wooden floors.

Author: Unknown

Measuring for cock rings

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"Drop"

Drop is the feeling people get after an intense BDSM play session. It feels like you are inexplicably sad, tired, worn out.  Drop feels like depression, with no explanation and no relief in sight. It baffles us because we have no idea how to prevent it, almost like we can’t prevent a hangover if we choose to drink too much.  We should accept that if we choose to continue with play sessions and enjoy the intensity, we may be paying for that later.  The good news is, there are ways to reduce the chances of having it, and help our bodies recover faster.

Drop happens to subs/slaves often, but there are also times when it happens to Dom/mes.  They sometimes reach “Dom/me space”, or feel a high.  This means their bodies are reacting to intense excitement.  I will write more on that later. 

Just as a side note, a Dom/me who feels that they are reaching Dom space needs to take a step back and come back to reality; because they need to be in control of themselves and their subs AT ALL TIMES during a play session.

My slave Daniel and I have been having play sessions for years now.  I have had a drop here and there since, but lately I have had one each time, and sometimes it lasts a whole day.  It was becoming difficult to manage.

All that I have been able to gather from others who are more experienced is that it happens to us because we had an adrenaline rush and now we are coming down.  I also know that what we can do is eat some chocolate, pamper ourselves, maybe a warm bath or a good movie.
 
Since it was worse this last time, and the chocolate and ice cream didn't work, I asked my psychology professor about it.  I explained the situation in general terms and asked if there was a better way to deal with Dom drop.

He explained it this way:

All drops may not be all physical-biological.  There is always a psychological aspect to it; and if there is a problem we must pay attention to it. 

Cognitive dissonance is the principle culprit, because it is possible that even though we think that what we are doing is OK, that in the back of our mind there may be some contradictions.  Our playtime includes hurting someone we care about deeply.  We have been raised to do the opposite, and at this moment we are breaking that set of beliefs in our mind.  This means that at the moment we feel it’s all right; we understand that they like pain, but later in our subconscious it may be troublesome.

If we must continue in BDSM and having playtime, then we need to remind ourselves that this activity is acceptable.  One of the ways to deal with this is communication, talk to our sub and ask how they feel.  Just hearing that they were OK with the session will help our minds settle.  Having a mini “after action review” is good for both.  And also checking on them the next day is very important; if you don’t see them, you should call and ask them how they feel.   Talking about it helps both Dom and sub/slave as well.

I told my instructor that I went through that Dom-guilt last year, but now I feel over it, I have come to terms with myself over that portion.
 
So, he continued:  If it is not the guilt issue, it could be other psychological issues.  The chemicals in our bodies change, yes but they get back to normal after a little time.  By the next day we certainly would feel a little tired, but not as blue as the time right after play.  It only takes a few hours, if at all to “come down”.  Our bodies recover fast, and the chemicals that needed to be replaced should have been replaced the by next day, after some rest.

Now what would Freud say?  That we need to find the root of the problem, and we are just looking at the tip of the iceberg.  Our subconscious holds the key.  (yes I like Freud, he made some very good points)

When we are in a play session, sometimes issues we had buried for many years come back.  We may not realize it, but they do.  You may be in a session, and you decide to use a belt on your sub for example.  It may be that there is a memory buried deep inside of you that says: “I had my dad use a belt on me that one time when I got bad grades; I hated that punishment.  Why would I use the belt on someone else if it was such a bad experience?”  You may not recognize that this thought came up, it may be sitting around, lurking in some dark corner of your mind, waiting to start nibbling at you.

It may be other issues inside, like the fear that your family would not accept you for who you are if they found out what you like.  Or maybe guilt issues because you think the Church would frown upon it.  You may have told yourself you don’t care, or that it’s OK.  But it might be your subconscious self is not agreeing with you.

If you have Drop, and it lingers for too long.   If chocolate and comfort doesn't help, you may want to look inside yourself and come to terms with what is lurking inside.

Sometimes talking it out with a good friend helps.  It is like looking in a mirror, you can see things you didn't see before.  And may I recommend a friend who is not too close to us, someone we are comfortable with, it just works better because we open up more.

This is also why it is so important to have good after care after a play session.  It also helps with recovery.  Well, we cannot fix a recurring drop with chocolate.  But chocolate won’t hurt as long as we don’t eat the whole box. 

~Sam

Jun2013