"Drop"

Drop is the feeling people get after an intense BDSM play session. It feels like you are inexplicably sad, tired, worn out.  Drop feels like depression, with no explanation and no relief in sight. It baffles us because we have no idea how to prevent it, almost like we can’t prevent a hangover if we choose to drink too much.  We should accept that if we choose to continue with play sessions and enjoy the intensity, we may be paying for that later.  The good news is, there are ways to reduce the chances of having it, and help our bodies recover faster.

Drop happens to subs/slaves often, but there are also times when it happens to Dom/mes.  They sometimes reach “Dom/me space”, or feel a high.  This means their bodies are reacting to intense excitement.  I will write more on that later. 

Just as a side note, a Dom/me who feels that they are reaching Dom space needs to take a step back and come back to reality; because they need to be in control of themselves and their subs AT ALL TIMES during a play session.

My slave Daniel and I have been having play sessions for years now.  I have had a drop here and there since, but lately I have had one each time, and sometimes it lasts a whole day.  It was becoming difficult to manage.

All that I have been able to gather from others who are more experienced is that it happens to us because we had an adrenaline rush and now we are coming down.  I also know that what we can do is eat some chocolate, pamper ourselves, maybe a warm bath or a good movie.
 
Since it was worse this last time, and the chocolate and ice cream didn't work, I asked my psychology professor about it.  I explained the situation in general terms and asked if there was a better way to deal with Dom drop.

He explained it this way:

All drops may not be all physical-biological.  There is always a psychological aspect to it; and if there is a problem we must pay attention to it. 

Cognitive dissonance is the principle culprit, because it is possible that even though we think that what we are doing is OK, that in the back of our mind there may be some contradictions.  Our playtime includes hurting someone we care about deeply.  We have been raised to do the opposite, and at this moment we are breaking that set of beliefs in our mind.  This means that at the moment we feel it’s all right; we understand that they like pain, but later in our subconscious it may be troublesome.

If we must continue in BDSM and having playtime, then we need to remind ourselves that this activity is acceptable.  One of the ways to deal with this is communication, talk to our sub and ask how they feel.  Just hearing that they were OK with the session will help our minds settle.  Having a mini “after action review” is good for both.  And also checking on them the next day is very important; if you don’t see them, you should call and ask them how they feel.   Talking about it helps both Dom and sub/slave as well.

I told my instructor that I went through that Dom-guilt last year, but now I feel over it, I have come to terms with myself over that portion.
 
So, he continued:  If it is not the guilt issue, it could be other psychological issues.  The chemicals in our bodies change, yes but they get back to normal after a little time.  By the next day we certainly would feel a little tired, but not as blue as the time right after play.  It only takes a few hours, if at all to “come down”.  Our bodies recover fast, and the chemicals that needed to be replaced should have been replaced the by next day, after some rest.

Now what would Freud say?  That we need to find the root of the problem, and we are just looking at the tip of the iceberg.  Our subconscious holds the key.  (yes I like Freud, he made some very good points)

When we are in a play session, sometimes issues we had buried for many years come back.  We may not realize it, but they do.  You may be in a session, and you decide to use a belt on your sub for example.  It may be that there is a memory buried deep inside of you that says: “I had my dad use a belt on me that one time when I got bad grades; I hated that punishment.  Why would I use the belt on someone else if it was such a bad experience?”  You may not recognize that this thought came up, it may be sitting around, lurking in some dark corner of your mind, waiting to start nibbling at you.

It may be other issues inside, like the fear that your family would not accept you for who you are if they found out what you like.  Or maybe guilt issues because you think the Church would frown upon it.  You may have told yourself you don’t care, or that it’s OK.  But it might be your subconscious self is not agreeing with you.

If you have Drop, and it lingers for too long.   If chocolate and comfort doesn't help, you may want to look inside yourself and come to terms with what is lurking inside.

Sometimes talking it out with a good friend helps.  It is like looking in a mirror, you can see things you didn't see before.  And may I recommend a friend who is not too close to us, someone we are comfortable with, it just works better because we open up more.

This is also why it is so important to have good after care after a play session.  It also helps with recovery.  Well, we cannot fix a recurring drop with chocolate.  But chocolate won’t hurt as long as we don’t eat the whole box. 

~Sam

Jun2013