SOMETHING NOBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT

As a Dom/me your purpose is to lead. My favorite part of being a Domme is that you are there to help guide your sub and help them grow. It doesn’t mean that you want to changed them, you just want to bring out the best in them. You take cues from them as to what their needs are.

As a Dom/me, you feed on the need to be needed, so you keep a sub under you, in more ways than one. They do as you say, they follow you without question and trust your judgment. That is how it should be.

My first point I want to discuss is dependence. Does your sub end up depending on your guidance for everything? It feels great to have them need you for everything, to ask permission for different things. It is great to see them flourish and thrive under you. But what happens if for some reason the relationship fails? Will they be able to continue on without you? What happens if you end up with a serious illness, where your sub ends up being the one taking care of you? Is your sub ready to take charge when needed? What happens if you happen to pass away? Will your sub survive being without your guidance, and constant direction? Without your protection and care? This is more important when you are the one supporting the sub, and said sub doesn’t work outside the home. Will they have the skills necessary to take charge of the finances? Of their life?

It is a good idea to ponder all this and make plans. I met a Dom some time back, his sub was totally dependent on him for everything. He made sure his sub was protected. He married his sub, and prepared some legal documents. Those documents specified a person who would be designated as the sub’s caretaker in case of the Dom’s death. The life insurance would cover the finances, and the backup person would cover the rest. Not everyone can do all this, but it is good to think about it and be prepared. Make sure when you train your sub, you balance the control, so you don’t do them a dis-service by making them totally dependent on you.

And now for the other side of the coin. (kind of) When a sub has issues with standing on their own, and you train them accordingly; are you prepared for the sub to “outgrow “ you? It hurts to see that they don’t need you like they used to. People change, and when you help a sub grow and be strong, and they do, you’ve done a good job. But what now? You just lost your sub? No, you gained a person whom you love deeply, and have an incredible connection with. People change and grow; that is a wonderful thing. When a sub blossoms into themselves and stands beautifully, appreciate the beauty instead of dwelling on what you lost. Life is not about us, but about what we can do for others. You still have the sub’s love and devotion, but you should be able to adjust to life changes. We are all work in progress, and life is full of evolution and change.

Life brings us so many changes and surprises, we all must be able to adjust accordingly. The love, respect, trust and devotion to one another should never change.


~Sam