Be Yourself

Be Yourself

I suspect many men are submissive, but are afraid to accept it, because they think it makes them look weak. So they may try to experience some of it on the side, as if it doesn't really count. I think they should be more honest with themselves and others.

It is perfectly fine to be a submissive male; there is nothing to be ashamed of. I know that while I roam Facebook, I do not see male subs at all. I know they are around, because I have spoken to a few, but they don’t like to speak up. I am not speaking of switches in this case, switches are fortunate enough to be more flexible and adaptable.

Apparently the pressures of society for men to be strong, and be the dominant types, are strong enough to force the submissive ones into hiding.

I am not the one to follow the crowd or fit a mold, I am who I want to be. I noticed before I had my own group, that when I commented in BDSM groups, people cringe at the thought of me not being submissive like the other women. Each time I posted something about my sub, nobody would comment, seems they avoided me. Even now, I belong in a group that isn’t mine, there people argue with me, because they see me as cruel and unreasonable. They fail to understand that I don’t have to be whoever THEY expect me to be. I have been accused of emasculating, at least twice, once by a counselor I was going to. I do not see many Dominant women on Facebook, the ones I see seem fake and sometimes can’t even spell Domme. I have seen a few female switches that want to call themselves Dominant, but seem to do it for the title only.

What is going on is not right. We should all feel free to be who we are and be proud of who we are. A submissive is not weak; it takes so much strength, courage and self assurance to be able to trust someone else. It takes a lot of inner strength to let someone else have all control. It takes so much love and incredible trust.

It is big step for a man to confide in a woman (or man) they trust and tell them their deepest fantasies, talk about their dark side, and be honest about it.

I don’t like to read in some posts, that a man who starts out being Dominant in a relationship, and then starts sneaking up. They seem to ask their female sub to switch, just once. But then again and again, until the power exchange in the relationship is so skewed that is unrecognizable. It is sad, because sometimes the submissive is not happy being Dominant. Being a submissive, a Dominant, a switch, a little etc. It has to be in your heart, you cannot “make” a person into what you want them to be. And you should not let others make you into something you didn’t want to be in the first place.

Being something you are not takes a toll on you in the long run. In a D/s relationship, both Dom/me and sub are to grow, blossom, spread their wings and reach their potential. I believe that entering a relationship with the hidden agenda of trying to change the other person, is a bad way to begin. Honesty and integrity should be the basis for a relationship, not illusions and smoke screens. I understand that some people change with time, but I have a hard time believing that someone would be a Dominant at heart, and suddenly become a submissive. I am sure it can happen, but in that case, the person who changed cannot expect their partner to change as well, to fit them. This means changing your personality completely to the other extreme. You cannot strong-arm someone into changing their essence, their soul, their heart. It is unreasonable, and it could suffocate their spirit and crush their soul, even as they try their best to change to make you happy. That breeds resentment and cannot last.

I strongly suggest that you find yourself, come to terms with who you truly are, and ditch the preconceived notions of society. Do not worry about labels and what others think, they do not affect you unless you allow them. People on Facebook, people in society, they are not looking for your best interest, most will just see you as entertainment. The only people I do suggest you keep in mind, is your employer, you should just keep your private life private, away from the work place. Those people CAN affect your life. But be sure that the people you are trying to impress actually matter in your life. You should be trying to be the best you can be, for yourself and your loved ones. Who cares about labels! It is much more important to be honest, with yourself and your loved ones.

Be proud of being who you are, be honest, love yourself the way you are. That is a good start.

~Sam