Cupping Therapy Basics

By JacquelineM,

April 27, 2013




The ancient art of cupping therapy uses the creation of a vacuum, or suction, to facilitate healing in the body. The suction is believed to draw blood to the tissues and muscles needing treatment, facilitating health and restoring energy.



This therapeutic technique can be traced back to ancient Egyptian, Middle Eastern, and Chinese cultures and is still popular today in Eastern medicine. Not surprisingly, cupping is looked upon with skepticism by conventional Western medicine but cupping practitioners are available and can be found via the Internet.



The Cupping Procedure



There are two types of stationary cupping therapy, dry cupping and wet cupping. In both forms, something flammable such as an alcohol drenched cotton ball or paper, is put into the cup (glass, silicone, plastic, or bamboo) and lit. When the fire goes out, the mouth of the cup is placed on the skin. As the cup cools, the vacuum forms. Some practitioners forgo the use of fire and use a pump to create the vacuum.



During dry cupping, the cups are left in place for five to fifteen minutes. Wet cupping is a bit more dramatic. The cup(s) is left on the skin for about three minutes and then a small incision is made. Another cupping, placed over the incision, draws toxins out of the body.



The British Cupping Society recommends cupping for a variety of illnesses, including:



anxiety and depression

migraines

high blood pressure

acne, eczema

arthritis, fibromyalgia

chest congestion owned to allergies

Massage Therapy Cupping



Massage therapists use cupping to induce relaxation and reduce physical and emotional stress. Instead of leaving the cups stationary, massage therapists move the cups across the skin. To facilitate this movement, oil is applied to the mouth of the cup.



As the cups travel over the body, tension and knots in the muscles relax and loosen. Cups may be left stationary over stubborn areas to soften them. Massage cupping is not only soothing, but is believed to draw inflammation and toxins out of the body’s tissues.



source: Cupping Therapy



source: An Introduction to Cupping for Massage Therapists

Fire cupping

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8ntyHPvRnw

SOMETHING NOBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT

As a Dom/me your purpose is to lead. My favorite part of being a Domme is that you are there to help guide your sub and help them grow. It doesn’t mean that you want to changed them, you just want to bring out the best in them. You take cues from them as to what their needs are.

As a Dom/me, you feed on the need to be needed, so you keep a sub under you, in more ways than one. They do as you say, they follow you without question and trust your judgment. That is how it should be.

My first point I want to discuss is dependence. Does your sub end up depending on your guidance for everything? It feels great to have them need you for everything, to ask permission for different things. It is great to see them flourish and thrive under you. But what happens if for some reason the relationship fails? Will they be able to continue on without you? What happens if you end up with a serious illness, where your sub ends up being the one taking care of you? Is your sub ready to take charge when needed? What happens if you happen to pass away? Will your sub survive being without your guidance, and constant direction? Without your protection and care? This is more important when you are the one supporting the sub, and said sub doesn’t work outside the home. Will they have the skills necessary to take charge of the finances? Of their life?

It is a good idea to ponder all this and make plans. I met a Dom some time back, his sub was totally dependent on him for everything. He made sure his sub was protected. He married his sub, and prepared some legal documents. Those documents specified a person who would be designated as the sub’s caretaker in case of the Dom’s death. The life insurance would cover the finances, and the backup person would cover the rest. Not everyone can do all this, but it is good to think about it and be prepared. Make sure when you train your sub, you balance the control, so you don’t do them a dis-service by making them totally dependent on you.

And now for the other side of the coin. (kind of) When a sub has issues with standing on their own, and you train them accordingly; are you prepared for the sub to “outgrow “ you? It hurts to see that they don’t need you like they used to. People change, and when you help a sub grow and be strong, and they do, you’ve done a good job. But what now? You just lost your sub? No, you gained a person whom you love deeply, and have an incredible connection with. People change and grow; that is a wonderful thing. When a sub blossoms into themselves and stands beautifully, appreciate the beauty instead of dwelling on what you lost. Life is not about us, but about what we can do for others. You still have the sub’s love and devotion, but you should be able to adjust to life changes. We are all work in progress, and life is full of evolution and change.

Life brings us so many changes and surprises, we all must be able to adjust accordingly. The love, respect, trust and devotion to one another should never change.


~Sam

Rape Fantasy: How to Carry it Out Safely

TRIGGER WARNING.  IF YOU  HAVE ISSUES WITH ABUSE, RAPE OR VIOLENCE, PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE, SCROLL TO THE NEXT POST. THIS ARTICLE TALKS ABOUT CONSENT/NON-CONSENT AND ABOUT FANTASY RAPE SCENES.

Posted on June 12, 2014by Slut Lessons

Disclaimer: Though males and females can have these kinds of fantasies, the proclivity for women to have a masochistic streak in them (along with current societal constructs regarding rapes in general) means that the overwhelming majority of those who experience such fantasies are women. This article will be written from the perspective of a female as the “victim” and a male (or males) as the aggressors. It is appropriate, of course, to substitute any gender at any place in this discussion.

What do we mean by “rape fantasy?”

First and foremost, you need to understand that a rape fantasy is almost invariably more about forced sex and not a desire to actually BE raped by someone. Very few people have the desire to be put through the physical and emotional trauma of a real rape. This is the primary reason I personally usually refer to this as “forced sex fantasy,” rather than rape fantasy; it just gives the wrong impression to some people. Regardless, this is a common fantasy, with some studies suggesting that more than half of all women have some sort of these kinds of fantasies.

The basic idea behind a rape fantasy is that a person has a strong desire to be taken sexually by force. This typically includes a desire to be surprised or caught off guard, physically “captured” and restrained, roughly and aggressively physically attacked to one degree or another, and forced into allowing sexual penetration of the mouth, vagina, and/or anus.

Why do women have rape fantasies?

Rape fantasies are rather common, believe it or not. I’ve seen several sources use different figures, but the general consensus is that significantly more than half of all women have rape fantasies from time to time, and that’s just those willing to admit to it. There are a variety of reasons women have these. But since I am not a psychologist (and didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night), rather than me rehashing what others have said, I’ll just point you to a few articles written by those with experience in such matters. So read through THIS, THIS, and THIS. THIS, too.

So now that we’ve established that these are perfectly normative fantasies, you have to decide how to go about carrying one out safely and sanely. It’s important you lay out and play by a set of ground rules, for two reasons. First, you don’t want to injure your partner physically or emotionally (beyond what you mutually agree upon), and second, there are significant legal and life-changing consequences if your actions go beyond what you’ve agreed upon and escalate to the point of a true rape.

How Do We Go About Carrying Out a Rape Fantasy Scenario?

There are a variety of things to consider when you begin discussing how to carry out a rape fantasy. First and foremost in your mind should be communication with your partner. I’ll explain below how to bring this up with a partner, but assuming you have and wish to move to putting it into action, you need to work out some details. You therefore need to have a good line of emotional and communicative connectivity to your partner.

The first issue you’ll need to discuss is what I call scope of play. Decide what is off limits and what is not off limits. You’ll want to talk about safe words or safe actions that can be used to stop play (by either partner), as well as any safe sex practices you want to incorporate. Some women will want to be physically abused (e.g., being slapped, beaten, choked out, etc.), whereas others will simply want to be tied up and fucked. Here are some specifics you’ll need to consider:

§ Where will it be okay to play? Her house? Her office? You want to avoid using public spaces to do this kind of thing as a general rule. If someone calls the police, you’re going to have some explaining to do, and it’s going to be quite embarrassing for you. Even if you’re not charged with rape, you could be cited for disturbing the peace, indecent exposure, or any number of other crimes depending upon the jurisdiction. If a home is to be the scene, ensure there aren’t going to be any children around!

§ The times of day that are acceptable? Generally these are done at night, but that doesn’t have to be the case. If you’re going to “case” the victim’s house, you’ll want to be careful in that you don’t raise the suspicion of the neighbors (who might call the police about a prowler, etc.). One exciting element I’ve used is to provide a window within which the attack may occur, say from 8AM on Monday through midnight on Friday. This adds a greater element of surprise into it in that you never know when it’s going to occur.

§ What safe sex practices are going to be used, if any? A typical “real” rape won’t involve condoms or other safe sex practices, so you’ll need to discuss how much reality you’re willing to allow.

§ What other implements will you need? Handcuffs (I’d recommend the velcro kind, so she can escape if you keel over and die. Also, real cuffs can hurt the wrists as they’re pulled apart during a struggle); tape or a gag for the mouth (avoid duct tape – it’ll peel skin off when you try to remove it); a “weapon” of some kind if you want.

§ Safe words. You need a specific word, something other than “no” or “stop” or those kinds of words. The word needs to be easily remembered. You should also consider a visual sign in case the “victim” is gagged or has a cock shoved down her throat and can’t speak. Personally I use the Vulcan hand greeting (the two fingers by two fingers forming into a V), or three quick taps to the leg, butt, or back of whomever’s got his or her cock inside me. Perhaps the most critical thing to understand when you get to the point of carrying out one of these fantasies is that a safe word means a full, complete stop. Period. If the victim uses the safe word/sign and the attacker doesn’t stop, you’ve moved from fantasy into a real rape at that point.

One point to keep in mind is that it is possible to “over construct” a rape fantasy scenario. While “real” rapes are often planned out to an extent, to make the scenario more realistic, the attacker should improvise as he’s carrying out the rape, using whatever tools and implements he will have at his disposal in the environment within which the rape is carried out. For example, rather than carrying something specifically to gag her, use the panties you tear off her, blindfold her with her shirt, etc. It’s important to plan out the basics, but don’t overthink it. That eliminates much of the spontaneity and the “fun” of the whole ordeal.

What’s the Difference Between Rape Fantasy and a Standard BDSM Scenario?

There are quite a few differences, but basically BDSM is more about psychological dominance, whereas rape is mostly about physical dominance (though there can be a psychological component involved if desired). A typical BDSM scene has more of a rhythm and purpose to it than a rape does; a rape is spur of the moment, unplanned, overwhelmingly aggressive in a “mean” way whereas the standard BDSM activities just aren’t structured in that manner. BDSM scenes often involved ritualized rape, but that’s subject for a whole other conversation.

As a Woman, How Do I Tell My Partner I Have a Rape Fantasy?

This is going to be tricky, unless you and your partner are into “rape” or rough sex genres of porn. If that’s the case, it should only be a matter of discussing acting out what you’ve seen in the videos. The fact that you want to act out something you’ve seen in what you’ve been watching should come as no surprise to anyone except perhaps the most naive and clueless of partners.

If it’s not something you’ve discussed or hinted at (i.e., if this is going to come out of the clear blue), you need to be in a relationship configuration where you have a good line of communication with your partner. I would recommend starting out by discussing your desire to be a bit more rough or aggressive in your daily sex life, and then working your way through more and more aggressive scenarios until you’ve gone as far as you can without actually engaging in a rape play. That may take some time, but quite frankly (at least, in my opinion), you need to be well versed in rough sex play before you get into rape play anyway.

As a woman, you do need to be prepared for some pushback if you’re with a newer partner, or a partner who has certain types of philosophies about how men view and treat women. One guy I was seeing for a while couldn’t “go there” with rape play because he was taught to treat women with respect and so forth. Obviously, there’s nothing “wrong” with that, but if rape play is one of those things you crave (and let’s be honest, some of us do crave this kind of sex), then you’re going to find some compatibility problems. Only you can decide how serious those are. Bringing this up to a partner who finds it detestable may result in some damage to your relationship, to include an immediate termination thereof. This is one of those things where you just have to have a good read on the person you’re wanting to play with.

As a Man, How Do I Tell My Partner I Want to “Rape” Her as Fantasy Role Play?

This scenario is even more fraught with the potential to explode. You run the risk of alienating your partner if you just bring this up out of the clear blue. Again, if you have a sexual relationship that involves rough, aggressive sex, or if you watch porn involving that kind of sex or sexual rape fantasy scenarios, then it becomes a bit easier.

One of the main problems with a guy bringing this up is that you may not be aware of any past trauma your partner may have experienced. As many as 1/3 of all women have been raped or sexually assaulted in their lives, and many will never divulge this to their partners (for a variety of reasons). So your “out of the blue” bringing this subject up may open up some old wounds that are best left alone.

Perhaps the best way to guide a partner into this is similar to what I described above for woman – introduce her to some rougher or more aggressive flavors of sex. If she’s receptive to this, gradually increase the intensity (with her permission, of course), and incorporate some restraint(s) and “rapey” type behavior (again, do this very gradually). If she’s willingly engaging in this kind of sex, then you might consider bringing up the subject of a forced sex scenario. I’d avoid using the word “rape” initially, unless you guys have talked about the subject of rape and you know it’s not a trigger for her.

Rape Fantasy Play Involving Strangers/Random Hookups

An alternative to playing with a partner is through the cooperation of a stranger or random hookup. I don’t think I have to expend too much effort explaining all of he potential things that could go wrong here, and I hesitate to even bring it up. But I have seen people ask questions on forums and other social websites regarding how to find someone to “rape” them, so at least a cursory discussion is warranted.

Finding someone to do this will be hard, largely because anyone with any sense realizes that it could be a trap, or that, even if it’s not a trap, the “victim” could later recant and claim that it was an actual rape. I’d recommend using a dating or social site that verifies identities of those who use it if you elect to go this route.

If you and a stranger decide to go through with something like this, arrange a video chat and record it. As a part of this, discuss what you want to happen, the guidelines and limitations, and the fact that you’re both consenting to what’s about to take place. Keep in mind that in some places (especially in countries other than the U.S.), consent to being “raped” doesn’t exist. That means the person doing the attacking can be legally charged with a crime even if the “victim” tells the authorities that it was an arrangement and that she consented to everything that happened.

I highly, highly recommend against using a stranger to carry out this kind of scenario in the absence of some controls or verifications of authenticity of those involved (from both sides).

Possible Scenarios

Once you’ve decided to go through with this sort of thing, and have set the boundaries, you’ll want to discuss a specific scenario in some cases. Perhaps you wish to leave it open ended and allow the “rapist” to attack you whenever and wherever, and that’s fine. These scenarios are provided simply to foment discussion between you and your partner and to give you some ideas for things you might try.

§ Home Attack: This is perhaps the easiest to pull off and the least fraught with potential issues. This simply involved the rapist “breaking in” to the victim’s house and carrying out the attack. Unless you get really wild and noisy, or attract some undue attention while breaking in, you shouldn’t have to worry about causing yourself any problems as a result of neighbors or a random police patrol.

§ Work Attack: This is likely only feasible in a situation where the victim is the owner of a business or owns/works in a facility that doesn’t have security monitoring equipment or other people around. If you work in a typical office setting, it’s a safe bet that there are video cameras around that might capture anything you do, which could land you in trouble from an employment standpoint as well as a legal standpoint.

§ Jogging Attack: This involves authorizing the attack somewhere along a jogging route. Your attacker simply lies in wait for you to come by, then “abducts” you into the woods, rapes you, and leaves you there (be sure and work out how you’re going to get home). Again, this is one of those situations where some undue attention by a passerby might create legal issues for you, so if you elect to use this, do so where you know you’ll have some privacy.

§ Other Abduction Attacks: You can construct any number of possible scenarios using a public abduction. Perhaps a van parked next to the victim’s vehicle in a shop parking lot (park a good ways out so you won’t attract attention – keep in mind possible security cameras). This is a common method for carrying out real rapes, in fact. A rapist will park a van next to a woman’s driver’s side door and when she returns to the vehicle, she’s pulled into the van and driven off. This particular scenario is great for gang rapes.

After Care

If this is this first time you’ve engaged in rape play, it is possible you might need what those in the BDSM community call “after care.” After care is the process of comforting one another and taking care of any emotional or perhaps physical after effects of your sex play. This is especially important if it’s your first time engaging in this sort of activity with a significant other. Connect with each other, comfort one another, make sure both of you are okay, etc. When the adrenaline has worn off a day or two later, you’ll want to talk about how things went, whether or not you want to try it again (or something like it), what you’d want to do differently, etc. Again, communication with your partner is vital. If you’re doing rape play with a stranger or non-SO, you may wish to consider having a close friend in whom you can confide, and who can serve as a check for you afterward to make sure you’re okay.

Summary

Rape fantasies, or forced sex fantasies, can add a wildly fantastic new dimension to your sex life, especially if you’re already a big fan of rough, aggressive sex. If you elect to try this kind of thing, though, it is important to select a partner who’ll work with you and with whom you can communicate effectively to ensure that you don’t get hurt, and that your “rapist” doesn’t suffer any negative emotional issues from having taken you by force. Once you’ve made the decision to do it, it then becomes important to construct a scenario that is safe for both (or all) of you, and that doesn’t involve any potential legal pitfalls. Much of this is common sense, and hopefully this short how-to guide will assist you in exploring this aspect of your sexuality.


The Slut

A Beginner's Guide to Submission

By CJ Edwards, March 20, 2014

Takeaway: Becoming a submissive is a very common sexual fantasy, but fulfilling it may take more time and energy than simply buying a set of cuffs.



A submissive is an individual who willingly relinquishes control to another person, usually to satisfy a sexual urge. If you're here reading this, chances are the thought of relinquishing control to another person has piqued your interest or has even gotten your sexual juices flowing, so to speak. Think you're odd?

Don't worry - you're not weird. Far from it, really. In fact becoming sexually submissive is one of the most common sexual fantasies. Just check out these statistics from the Kinsey Institute.



5-10 percent of Americans engages in sadism/masochism (S/M) practices for sexual pleasure at least occasionally.
12 percent of women and 22 percent of men reported erotic response to an S/M story.
55 percent of women and 50 percent of men reported having responded erotically to being bitten.
14 percent of men and 11 percent of women have had some sexual experience with sadomasochism.
11 percent of men and 17 percent of women reported trying bondage.

Clearly, for many peoples, the fantasy of being ordered around, spanked, and generally coerced to perform sexual acts can seem thrilling. The question for those who haven't actually done it, however, is where to start. And if you want to be a submissive, what do you really need to know? (Read more about BDSM in Why BDSM Might Be the Sanest Sex Out There.)

Read on, and find out...





Educate Yourself

Becoming a submissive is not a decision that should be made lightly. Before you decide to take the plunge and put yourself at the mercy of another, educate yourself on all things submission.

First, some excellent books have been written on the subject of submission and dominance, and there are some very valuable online communities that cater to both veterans and novices. ("The Ultimate Guide to Kink" by Tristan Taormino provides an educated look at the topic, while "SM 101" by Jay Wiseman provides the fundamentals of safe, sane S/M.)

Another way to learn more about what it's like to become a submissive is to attend a "munch". A "munch" (short for "burger munch") is a casual social gathering for individuals interested in the dominant/submissive lifestyle. Attending these gatherings is a great way to connect with experienced individuals and learn more about the lifestyle.



Determine If You're Really the Submissive Type

Not surprisingly, submissive behavior typically comes very naturally to true submissives. But how can you tell if you're a true submissive?

Generally, true submissives have a desire to please a more dominant person and may even be turned on by the thought of being humiliated or overpowered. But don't think for a second that all submissives bend to everyone's whims in their everyday lives. Some submissives are individuals in truly powerful positions who simply want a release from their responsibilities from time to time.

On the flip side, however, if submitting to another person turns you off, being a submissive probably isn't for you. Instead, you could look into becoming a dominant or even a switch (someone who participates in BDSM as both a dominant and a submissive).

Finally, ask yourself honestly why you want to become a submissive. Is it because you truly enjoy the idea of relinquishing power to a dominant person? Or is it because your partner wants to dominate you? Remember that dominant/submissive relationships must always be consensual. Never become a submissive if you feel that you're being pressured into it.



Determine Your Level of Submission

There are a few different distinct levels of dominance and submission. Some people, for instance, simply use dominance and submission to add a little spice to their sex lives. This typically includes fantasy role-playing in the bedroom from time to time, with some light spanking, dirty talk or bondage. (Read more about how to mix it up in Why Bondage Can Be So Much Fun.)

Part-time submissives find that the submissive lifestyle is a much more important part of their lives. They may transform into a submissive during certain times, such as during sex or when visiting a BDSM club. They will often invest in outfits and other props, but won't usually let their role interfere with other areas of their lives.

Full-time submissives, on the other hand, are usually the hard-core players in the BDSM game. These types of submissives may even be looking to live in a full-time dominant/submissive relationship. They will usually relinquish all control to their dominant in most - if not all - areas of their lives. Many of these relationships also involve signed contracts. In some ways, they are very similar to marriage - although, of course, most marriages these days have much less of a power imbalance.

As with all things in life, when it comes to dominance and submission, it's usually best to start small and work your way up. Maybe try a little fantasy role-playing before you completely submit to a full-time dominant, for example.



Know Your Limits

Does the thought of being caned make you want to cower in the corner? Do handcuffs andspreader bars raise your hackles? As you delve into the world of dominance and submission, you're bound to come across more than a few things that test your comfort zone. You know what we're talking about - the things that make you go "Yikes!" Don't let these things turn you off of submission completely, though. Keep in mind that just just because others enjoy something doesn't mean that you have to. Know your limits and stand firm!



Communicate

While communication is important in any relationship, it's absolutely essential in a dominant/submissive relationship. Now's not the time to be shy; if you're uncomfortable with the thought of sharing your innermost sexual desires and turn-offs it can really affect your safety - not to mention whether your enjoy your encounters. As a submissive, you must be willing and able to openly communicate with your partner or partners to ensure that all sex play is truly consensual. (Get some tips on sexual communication in Talk Dirty to Me: The Why and How of Hot Aural Sex.)

Before a scene or relationship begins, you and your partners should share your wants, desires, and sexual fantasies. However, it is equally important to make your partners aware of any turn-offs and limits you may have. Make your limits known and set boundaries as soon as possible.





Put Safety First

In recent years, the term "safe, sane and consensual" has become something of a motto for the BDSM community and BDSM play. If you're looking into BDSM play for the first time, or even if you're a hardened veteran, safety should be a No.1 priority.

To be clear, whether you're flogging someone or submitting them to some other delicious torture, there is an element of danger or potential harm in any BDSM activity. Always take the time to learn how to properly and safely use any toys and props, and always establish a safeword before beginning any BDSM play. This simple word or phrase can be spoken by a submissive at any time they want to slow down or stop a scene, no questions asked. Of course, words like "stop" and "no" should also be avoided when choosing a safeword, since they can often be used to heighten the excitement during a scene.



Distinguish Fantasy from Reality

If you're willing to take that first step into a dominant/submissive relationship, it's imperative that you're able to distinguish fantasy from reality. Unless you have another arrangement, you and your dominant should keep in mind that your role-playing is just that - playing.

Don't let your dominant's words and actions get to you, and maintain your self-respect. However, remember that unless you communicate with your dominant, he or she will simply assume that you're satisfied with how your relationship is going. Of course, if your partner doesn't respect you enough to stop overstepping your limits, respect yourself enough to end the relationship.



Cultivate Patience

Don't expect to read a few articles on the Internet and then be able to call yourself a submissive. No matter how eager you are to learn and experiment, you won't become a submissive overnight. Becoming a true submissive takes a great deal of time and patience. In fact, many submissives may even go through a formal "training" period, which can take months or even years.

And if you do decide to open this new chapter in your life, have fun with it. You may choose to close it in the future, or it may become a big part of who you are. Either way, learn what you can from the experience and, most importantly, enjoy it!

"The Law, S/M and You"

by A. Spencer Bergstedt







This is a copy of "The Law, S/M and You" by A. Spencer Bergstedt, an Attorney at Law in Seattle, Washington.


The law has historically had a large role in how players go about doing S/M play. From police raids of both yesteryear and today to the effect that participation in S/M might have on issues like child custody, the law has always had an interest in that which society deems abnormal or immoral.


This article is designed to highlight some of the areas of the law that you as a leatherman or leatherwoman should be aware of. The actual laws of course will vary from state to state, county to county and city to city, but, hopefully, this article will help point you in the direction of finding more information about the laws where you live.


Law is divided into two categories - criminal and civil. Both have an impact on S/M.


CRIMINAL There are two aspects of criminal law that the S/M player should keep in mind: private and public activity. Private refers to actions that may take place in your home or other private place and public refers to public places, like bars, events, and outdoors.


PRIVATE There are a number of things that one should be aware of as the law relates to S/M in private. First and foremost is that the (minor) possibility always exists that you may be suspected of committing a crime if it becomes known that you engage in S/M and the cops take an interest.Types of crimes that you could potentially be charged with include (but are not limited to):
Assault
Indecent Exposure
Rape
Kidnapping
False imprisonment
Reckless endangerment
Possession of illegal weapons or substances (e.g., possession of needles for temporary piercing may be illegal in your state)
And in some states - the very act of sex and/or the presence of certain sex toys in a certain quantity may leave you open to prosecution under state laws that prohibit the sale of sex toys.


At the outset I should note that (depending on where you live) it is highly unlikely that you would ever have a problem with the cops. But the possibility does exist.


ASSAULT
Technically, assault is defined as a non-consensual touching of a person by another person. Therefore, if scenes are consensual, the likelihood of actual prosecution is slight. By that I mean that the police might arrest you to harass you BUT the prosecutor’s office would likely decide against filing charges against you because the "victim" consented to the activity. Since prosecutors are in the business of sending criminals to jail, if the "victim" insists there was no crime, the prosecutor generally won't push it.
HOWEVER - many states - including my state of Washington - have enacted domestic violence statutes which can change police and prosecutor protocol. Generally under these types of law, police and prosecutors are encouraged to dismiss the "victim's" statements about not wanting to press charges and move forward with the case. The law is designed to protect repeat victims of domestic violence/abuse who may be reluctant to press charges against their abusers. More often than not, police are instructed to arrest both parties if a domestic violence call is made.


Assault can be charged as either a misdemeanor or a felony depending on the circumstances. (There are 4 degrees of assault) E.g. the use of weapons, the infliction of great bodily harm, and the intent to inflict such great bodily harm. Depending on what you do with your play, you may very quickly jump into the felony category.


INDECENT EXPOSURE
In Washington, this is a misdemeanor crime unless you expose yourself to someone under the age of 14, in which case it becomes a felony.
You must expose yourself in an open and obscene manner to have committed this crime. Here it has been held sufficient to charge you with indecent exposure if you are in your own house/apartment and someone can see in to your house/apartment.


RAPE
Forced and/or non-consensual sexual intercourse or contact which includes any penetration, however slight, of the vagina or anus, with any object; touching of one person genitals to the anus or mouth of another; any touching of the sexual/intimate parts of another for sexual gratification.
Rape is a felony crime.
Consent is a defense to this crime.


KIDNAPPING / UNLAWFUL IMPRISONMENT
These are crimes of restraining another person without their consent and are felonies (in Washington - when in doubt, check your local and state laws).
SODOMY
Sodomy laws are still on the books in many states and the law generally applies to both gays and heterosexual sex that involves either anal-genital contact or oral-genital or oral-anal contact.


OTHER AREAS OF CRIMINAL LAW
Another area that questions come up in is for Pro Dommes. It is quite clear that the main focus of law enforcement in harassing or arresting Pro Dommes is prostitution and child pornography - NOT S/M. If you are a Pro Domme and you get raided or arrested - chances are the cops are going to bust you for prostitution. However, most prostitution laws limit the definition to engaging in sexual conduct in exchange for a fee. So as long as you're not doing that, you'll likely be OK. This does not mean that the cops won't arrest you to harass you - simply that the prosecutor won't be able to charge you with much of anything. HOWEVER, if arrested, you should get an attorney immediately.
Prostitution is generally a misdemeanor.


WHAT TO DO IF THE COPS COME KNOCKING ON MY DOOR
Stay calm.
You do not needto consent for the cops to come into your house. You can force them to come back with a search warrant. HOWEVER, if they believe someone is in immediate harm, they have probable cause to enter without a warrant.
Explain calmly to the cops what the noise was all about - E.g., just good loud sex.
If you are arrested, DON'T say anything. You are not under any obligation to make a statement without an attorney present. Keep track of the officers names, badge numbers, and whether or not they read you your rights.
Call a lawyer immediately.
Remember, if they book you, you'll likely have to remove all your piercing.
Stay calm.


WHAT TO DO IN CASE A SCENE BECOMES NON-CONSENSUAL OR ABUSIVE
Stay calm
Call the police
Call an attorney for yourself. The legal system can be hard to negotiate and the last thing you want is for the cops to treat you like the criminal
Do not shower or clean up if there has been physical damage or rape.Physical evidence - cuts, bruises, semen, blood, hair or skin samples, and even clothing fibers can be very important evidence. Take pictures if you can.
Get medical assistance if you need it. This should be done before step 2 if you need immediate assistance. Plus, the hospital can help get ahold of the police.
Tell the truth about what happened
Contact a friend who can either stay with you or that you can stay with.


PUBLIC LAW
What we're talking about here is what happens when you leave your house -in bars, at events, on the street.
The same laws that are discussed above still apply, but now we have some new things to contend with as well.
-Liquor control board rules
-Impersonating an officer (for you uniform enthusiasts)
-Carrying weapons
As to the crimes discussed above the main thing to remember is this - when you are out in public, not everyone is aware of the negotiations you and your partner have engage in and therefore, what you know to be consensual may not look very consensual from the outside. That 3rd party may decide to call the cops because what you are doing doesn't look consensual.


WEAPONS
If you carry a gun, make sure you have a concealed weapons permit and a licensed and registered weapon.
If you carry a knife, check to see what size blade your local law allows you to carry.


UNIFORMS
You may not impersonate a police or fire official. Basically what this means is don't wear an exact replica of a law/fire enforcement agency whose jurisdiction you are in and do not ever hold yourself out to be a police officer/fire fighter. Do not put any real or fake weapons in a gun holster if you are out and about. You might also choose to wear an overcoat/jacket when going from car to bar.


LIQUOR CONTROL BOARD
Please don't put our friendly bar owners out of business by doing something that violates the liquor control board rules. These rules are much stricter than you might imagine and the penalty's for violation are stiff.
In Washington, it is unlawful in a bar for staff to expose their nipples, any portion of pubic hair, anus, cleft of the buttocks, vulva or genitals.
To encourage or permit anyone on the premises to touch, caress or fondle the breasts, buttocks, anus or genitals or another person. (this rule has been used to fine a bar owner for two customers slow dancing together where the one person rubbed his hand over his partner's ass)
To permit anyone in the bar to wear a device which simulates any of the areas not allowed to be exposed. (This is why we don't see dildos involved in fantasy;s at contests here)
To permit anyone to perform acts of:
intercourse, masturbation, sodomy, oral copulation, flagellation (flogging), touching, caressing, etc.
UNLESS - the performance/entertainer is on a stage at least 18 inches in height and at least 6 feet from the nearest patron.
Definitely check the laws of your own state, county and city as well as administrative rules propagated by the state liquor control board to find out what's legal and not where you live.


CIVIL LAW AND S/M
Civil law applies to things that are not criminal in nature. It covers everything from contracts to divorce to personal injury suits. Here we'll cover:
Using civil law if something goes wrong
Are S/M contracts legally binding?
What can we do to protect ourselves?


IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG
If something goes wrong with a scene or the relationship and non-consensual activity/violence/abuse happen the victim can take two courses of action:
1. Talk to the police, file a report and press for criminal charges; and/or
2. File a civil lawsuit for damages.


CIVIL SUITS
Civil lawsuits can be an excellent way of seeking compensation for damages inflicted by someone who misuses S/M as an excuse for violence. Damages can be had for things like:
actual physical damage; emotional damage; psychological impairment; assault; false imprisonment; etc..
These cases should be handled only with the advice and assistance of an attorney.


ANTI-HARASSMENT/PROTECTIVE ORDERS
To be used if there is a threat of immediate danger/harm, protective orders are a means to keep someone away from you. They can be obtained either through superior or district court.


CONTRACTS
Contracts for sexual services are not legally binding. However, if your's is a service-oriented contract, it might be enforceable.
In any event, I believe written contracts are a great way to clearly communicate what it is that you've negotiated with your relationship or a scene. The contract could potentially be useful in a situation where one player steps over the line of what was negotiated and engages in non-consensual abusive bahavior.
Be prepared that if you want to make it legally binding that you must follow principles of contract. If you are unclear about what these are - you might wish to consult with a lawyer.


PROTECTIONS
Wills
Living wills
Powers of attorney
Authorizations for hospital visits
instructions on what to do with your S/M stuff if you get sick, hurt or die
**NOTE: With all of these documents it is important to execute them before serious injury or illness sets in as you may then be termed incompetent to execute them.


WILLS
A Will is a document by which you designate how you want your property distributed upon your death; who will act as your executor; whether you wish to be buried or cremated; if you desire funeral services; establish certain types of trusts; and establish a guardian for your child(ren).
If you die without a Will your estate will be divided according to the statute related to descent and distribution. What this statute says is that the first person in priority is your surviving legal spouse, then your children. If you have neither, then it goes to your parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, etc.. Unless they can't find anybody, in which case it goes to the state.
The only way you can designate where your property goes is by doing estate planning. A Will, joint property agreement, payable on death accounts, beneficiary desginations in life insurance policies, and/or a trust are all ways that you can leave your estate. HOWEVER, a Will should almost always be used in conjunction with any of the other types of estate planning methods to ensure that certain details are handled.


LIVING WILLS
These are technically referred to as Directives to Physicians. This document sets forth your desires to not be kept on life support systems if you are terminally ill. Provision can also be made for specific types of medical treatments and, although a right to die law currently only exists in Oregon, you can make your philosphy known in the document that assisted death might be an option for you once it becomes legally viable.


POWERS OF ATTORNEY
A Power of Attorney is a document in which you designate someone else to act on your behalf. They can be for specific acts like selling a house or more general. In terms of estate planning, we generally talk about 2 different - but similar - types.


FUTURE DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY
This POA goes into effect when the person executing the document (the principal)
becomes either incapacitated or incompetent and last during the period of incapactiation or incompetency.
The POA gives the attorney-in-fact the ability to handle business and financial affairs for the principal and can include making medical decisions.
The POA also nominates the attorney-in-fact to act as guardian if a guardianship should become necessary.


FUTURE DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY FOR HEALTH CARE
This is similar to the document above except that it is directed specifically toward health care and authorizes health care professionals to give information about you to your attorney-in-fact and authorizes your attorney-in-fact to make medical decisions for you


AUTHORIZATION FOR HOSPITAL VISITS
This document ensures that the person you designate can visit you in the hospital.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR WHAT TO DO WITH MY TOYS AND LEATHERS
This becomes critical if you are not out to your biological family about your S/M. Give a trusted friend or family member instructions on what to do with your toys and leathers in the event of a medical emergency or death.
The other way to handle these issues - if you are out or you don't care what your family thinks - is to include instructions for disposition of these items in your Will.


DISSOLUTION / CHILD CUSTODY
S/m play can impact on divorces and child custody actions as well. In the event that you are getting divorced and have children and the terms won't be mutually agreed upon, you should get the advise of an attorney if you think your spouse will use your S/M against you.
Similarly, in child custody modifications, you should hire an attorney at assist you if your ex brings up the issue of S/M as a reason to limit your access to your children.


A. Spencer Bergstedt



Admin note: Please note that this information may not be relevant in your specific country, please consult with a local attorney or legal advisor regarding any situation that you need assistance with.

Ball Gags

Ball Gag Safety for Beginners
Posted on September 12, 2012by scarletrosefox

Gags are rather fun to use, especially ball gags. They leave the mouth open and while the person wearing it can still make a slight bit of muffled noise, I have noticed its more about that humiliation that it causes. As when you talk it is unintelligible, distorts your features and causes the wearer to drool. Knowing that you cannot control it can be a turn on for both the wearer and the person who put it on you.

However, like any BDSM accessory you want to know how to use it safely. While I am mentioned ball gags the most here, these are things that can be remembered with all gags.

What is a Ball Gag?

A ball gag is a gag made specifically for gagging and usually includes a ball of some sort on a piece of some sort of fabric. The ball is slipped into your captive’s mouth then you fasten the straps around your partners head to keep the gag in place.

They provide a full feeling for the person wearing it as they fill up the mouth nicely. However because of their large size, many people’s jaws can tire quicker then they would with other gags. So it pays to take the time and do the research on the gags you plan to get. Find out measurements to make sure it is going to be comfortable but still do what it is that you want from your gag.

Also, keep in mind fabrics being used in the construction of the ball gag. I find that leather and suede tend to bite less into the skin they say one made with rubber straps. And a ball made from silicone or is best. Hard plastic ball gags have the worry that you may chip a tooth if you are biting down to hard on it. Rubber, while it does have give you do need to be careful in using because of chemicals that rubber can contain like phthalates.

Safeword?

Seeming you cannot be heard at least not very well, trying to use your safe word when you have a ball gag in your mouth is hard and at most, just downright unusable. So what is one to do instead so that they are able to inform their Dom/Top that they need to stop.

An Object in the Hand – Holding a ball that you can drop, a bell that you can ring or any other object that brings attention to itself.

Repeated Movement – Such as opening and closing your hands, snapping your fingers or moving the head up and down.

Repeated Sound – Making a number of rhythmic grunts or other pre-defined noises that can be made clearly with the gag in place.

Check in – Having your Dom/Top check in with you either verbally or if you have become nonverbal due to subspace placing a finger in the Sub/Bottoms hand to squeeze.

Clear Breathing

A gag does interfere with breathing, you never want to leave a gagged play partner unattended. Also, gags should not be used unless the nasal passage way is completely clear. In this case vented ball gags made with whiffle like balls can be much safer then solid balls. Though they can be harder to clean and sanitize due to getting saliva in the ball itself.

In the same vein, gags can sometimes induce vomiting because it may trigger the gag reflex. If they where to still be gagged when vomiting it could be fatal.

Position

On this one I speak more from personal experience, as it has happened to me. I have found that the best positions when using a ball gag are when you are in an upright position (sitting up, standing up) or when your head is pointing down. I found this allows for any saliva build up to be able to move in a way that isn’t back down the throat that could lead to more gagging.

Don’t forget your Jaw!

If you have any jaw injuries it can make wearing a ball gag slightly uncomfortable. You don’t have to avoid it, but you do what to modify your play slightly.

A ball gag shouldn’t be worn for more than 10 to 20 minutes at a time when you are starting out. Your muscles can become fatigued, and less resilient as you are playing with the muscles in your jaw and mouth. As soon as it becomes too painful, take it out. As you become more experienced with gags you can certainly wear them for longer periods of time. But remember, using gags too often can actually injure your jaw.

Furries

Furry Fandom Is More Than Furry Fetish
October 10, 2014
BY: KATY WILLIS

The world of furry fandom is shrouded in mystery. It’s dismissed, ridiculed, and, when it does get attention, portrayed as a community of dysfunctional sex addicts: people dressed as animals having weird sex in odd places.

But sex has little to do with the furry lifestyle. The thriving subculture is instead a community of men and women who have a fascination, obsession, or affinity with anthropomorphic animals—that is, animals that can walk, talk, and possess other human traits.

For many furries, the obsession begins and ends with furry-centric cartoons, literature, and art. They indulge their furdom online, creating avatars in MMORPGs or Second Life. Others, known as “fursuiters,” who account for no more than half of the furry population, wear costumes and congregate for meetings and conventions. The most devoted, though, develop “fursonas” and take on the mannerisms of their chosen animal, undergoing surgery to more accurately resemble their furry identity.

What exactly does that look like? According to Portland-based professor Dr. Martin Donohoe, “A person with a tiger for an alter ego may have stripes tattooed on their body, sharpened canines, and implanted whiskers.”

For some, it’s a way to truly express themselves. “You get to choose who and what you are,” says Mark Merlino, whose furry alter ego goes by Sylys Sable. “Imagination is okay, no matter what your age.”

Marshall Woods, who describes his alter ego Lenya as a “sort of space weasel,” says, “It’s simultaneously disorienting and exhilarating.”

Furries flock to the lifestyle for the freedom of expression, lessened inhibitions, and a sense of exhilaration—the same things that drive the everyday person. They just happen to manifest in a different way.