What is Primal Play?

By slavekathy on July 26, 2013






This post is part of an effort to provide a glossary for novice submissives of words commonly seen across this site and in theBDSM community.


Mr. Samsonite. Every group has one; you know, the guy who can’t show up to theplay party without enough luggage to go on a two-week European tour? He puts on his little kid gloves and unpacks hisembarrassment of kinky riches, and by the time he gets them all out, the party is halfway over. We all know this dominant, and his precise, measured method of play. It’s fine if it works for him. However, what if Mr. Mechanical isn’t what gets your juices flowing? Many slaves and submissives enjoy a more hands-on approach to play, and no expensive tools or toys are required.You were born with all the kink toys you need for playing primal: teeth, nails, hair and skin.






Pure and abject submission isn’t what’s called for here; the dominant who prefers primal play wants to fight. Primal play may be your perfect fit if you’re the bratty sub who yearns to be overwhelmed, conquered and forced to submit to a stronger, more powerful dominant.






A primal play scene may look like wrestling or even martial arts. There may be pressure points involved, and even rope bondage, but the thing that sets primal play apart from other types is raw, emotional, sexual feelings displayed. All of the labels, roles, and protocols go out the window during primal play, and the bottomcan become a snarling, growing, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away. More sensual types of primal play can look like two animals greeting each other. The top can sniff the submissive, growl in her ear, pull her hair back and bite her neck while holding her immobile.






One caveat: if you’re going to do some of the more edgy types of primal play in a public playspace, be sure to let the DM’s know what it is you are doing. Primal play is just that…primal, and it can be disturbing to observers who may not be familiar with the concept of a s-type actually fighting back in earnest.






References





Primal Play – The Animal Within (FetLife Group)

Ramping

So what is ramping? Ramping is a process some Dom/mes use in certain

activities. It is a slow build up to a peak, holding the sub at the peak for a while and then slowly coming back down so that the endorphins/high and the feeling of closeness, care and love aren't lost.


Example of what could occur if ramping is used:


The Dom/me might take their doeskin flogger and begin the flogging with a slow steady rhythm. When they feel you have reached the plateau they wish, they would then switch to a light suede flogger. Once again when you reach a point they feel is right, they would then switch to a heavy suede flogger. Again another level is reached and they switch to a braided elephant hide flogger. Then a stingy rubber whip gets added as the sub flies/floats to another level. Now to get to that peak a single tail or cane is used. They hold you there till you think you can't take another stroke. The sensation changes its the stingy rubber whip again, then after a time the elephant flogger, now you can't put your finger on it, ahhhhh a knotted rope flogger. Slowly the sub is coming down but the high is continuing. Such a balance the Dom/me must use not to jar you out of the floating wonderful subbie high you have going. The heavy suede flogger, yummmmmm, now the light suede flogger, soft moans and sighs....the doeskin flogger.....feels like you are melting into a puddle on the floor, the room looks like it is filled with fog. Oh ah, yum bunny fur being rubbed over your flogged body, OH MY!, fingernails on freshly flogged body, yum bunny fur again. Ah my Dom/me pressing themselves into me, holding me. I feel so close, it feels so right, it feels so loving, so safe, so warm. I never want to go without this in my life, never want to be without my Dom/me. I love you Sir/Ma'am/Master/Mistress. <soft content smile> They love me too.





By: BDSM for beginners

Flogging tutorial (Florentine and other types)

I find that this tutorial is excellent, it explains not only the technique, but ways to change the way you deliver.  I highly suggest watching, and then reading on the document "Ramping".  

Dipping in the Pool of Reality

I want to share this article, in my opinion, it's one of the best I have seen out there.
Author unknown
Shared By David Coates in 2013
in BDSM support and Info

You do have rights, and you have the right to walk away. If you believe otherwise, it is time for a dip in the reality pool.

No man has an erection continuously, unless they are experiencing priapism, in which case, a doctor's visit is in order.

There is such a thing as premenstrual syndrome (PMS), and no amount of dominance is going to make it go away.

A chainsaw is not a sex toy.

Your cyber safe-word is the off button on the front of your computer. Use it!

There is going to be a time when you do not feel like having sex. It does happen, so prepare yourself mentally for it.

24/7 is not a myth. 24/7 in chains, naked and kneeling is.

There will come a time when you see your Dominant or sub scratching themselves, belching, and in need of a shower. Prepare yourself for that as well.

No one understands your collar but you. Showing it off at Wal-Mart is not exactly a statement.

The distance is not insurmountable, it is inconvenient and irritating, and it will grate on your nerves unless you fill your time with other things.

Eventually, you are going to have to take those cuffs off to take the kids to the doctor. Get used to it.
Speaking of doctors, tell yours what you are into currently, or possibly be prepared to deal with social services on a regular basis.

You really do not need another flogger. What you need is a new microwave and a pair of hundred-dollar tennis shoes for your teenager. Know when to say when to the toy bag.

People get sick. People die. Use a condom, please, unless you have been tested twice in the last year, and so has your partner.

Do not walk away from your friends. You might well need them later, when your dream Dominant turns into a frog, or your submissive into to a Decepticunt.

If you want something, ask. Ask respectfully, ask in role, ask in good faith, but ask. If you do not, chances are, you are not going get it.

Just because you call yourself a slave or Master does not mean that others will agree with your definition. Be prepared to defend your views, but do not bark at others for their opinions. They have a right to them, same as you do.

Find a way to orgasm without BDSM. You may need that someday.

There are things you will not do. Trust me. Maybe you just have not been asked to do them yet.

This is not always all about sex. Do not expect to get a nut every time you play, then you won't be disappointed when it happens to you. Orgasms are nice, but not mandatory.

Your Dominant is not clairvoyant.

Forever is not as long as you might think. Sometimes, it is just until she changes her mind again.

The Mistress is not always dressed in thigh-highs and hose. The Dominant does not always have his flogger nearby. Sometimes, it is time for sweat pants and hot cocoa.

An argument is not the end of the world. Not resolving it, however, might be.

Sometimes, a fuck is just a fuck, a beating is just a beating, and a kiss is just a kiss. Enjoy it, remember it, and move along.

I hope you have enjoyed your dip in the reality pool. Wipe your feet before going back in the house, and do not drip jism on my new wooden floors.

Author: Unknown

Measuring for cock rings

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"Drop"

Drop is the feeling people get after an intense BDSM play session. It feels like you are inexplicably sad, tired, worn out.  Drop feels like depression, with no explanation and no relief in sight. It baffles us because we have no idea how to prevent it, almost like we can’t prevent a hangover if we choose to drink too much.  We should accept that if we choose to continue with play sessions and enjoy the intensity, we may be paying for that later.  The good news is, there are ways to reduce the chances of having it, and help our bodies recover faster.

Drop happens to subs/slaves often, but there are also times when it happens to Dom/mes.  They sometimes reach “Dom/me space”, or feel a high.  This means their bodies are reacting to intense excitement.  I will write more on that later. 

Just as a side note, a Dom/me who feels that they are reaching Dom space needs to take a step back and come back to reality; because they need to be in control of themselves and their subs AT ALL TIMES during a play session.

My slave Daniel and I have been having play sessions for years now.  I have had a drop here and there since, but lately I have had one each time, and sometimes it lasts a whole day.  It was becoming difficult to manage.

All that I have been able to gather from others who are more experienced is that it happens to us because we had an adrenaline rush and now we are coming down.  I also know that what we can do is eat some chocolate, pamper ourselves, maybe a warm bath or a good movie.
 
Since it was worse this last time, and the chocolate and ice cream didn't work, I asked my psychology professor about it.  I explained the situation in general terms and asked if there was a better way to deal with Dom drop.

He explained it this way:

All drops may not be all physical-biological.  There is always a psychological aspect to it; and if there is a problem we must pay attention to it. 

Cognitive dissonance is the principle culprit, because it is possible that even though we think that what we are doing is OK, that in the back of our mind there may be some contradictions.  Our playtime includes hurting someone we care about deeply.  We have been raised to do the opposite, and at this moment we are breaking that set of beliefs in our mind.  This means that at the moment we feel it’s all right; we understand that they like pain, but later in our subconscious it may be troublesome.

If we must continue in BDSM and having playtime, then we need to remind ourselves that this activity is acceptable.  One of the ways to deal with this is communication, talk to our sub and ask how they feel.  Just hearing that they were OK with the session will help our minds settle.  Having a mini “after action review” is good for both.  And also checking on them the next day is very important; if you don’t see them, you should call and ask them how they feel.   Talking about it helps both Dom and sub/slave as well.

I told my instructor that I went through that Dom-guilt last year, but now I feel over it, I have come to terms with myself over that portion.
 
So, he continued:  If it is not the guilt issue, it could be other psychological issues.  The chemicals in our bodies change, yes but they get back to normal after a little time.  By the next day we certainly would feel a little tired, but not as blue as the time right after play.  It only takes a few hours, if at all to “come down”.  Our bodies recover fast, and the chemicals that needed to be replaced should have been replaced the by next day, after some rest.

Now what would Freud say?  That we need to find the root of the problem, and we are just looking at the tip of the iceberg.  Our subconscious holds the key.  (yes I like Freud, he made some very good points)

When we are in a play session, sometimes issues we had buried for many years come back.  We may not realize it, but they do.  You may be in a session, and you decide to use a belt on your sub for example.  It may be that there is a memory buried deep inside of you that says: “I had my dad use a belt on me that one time when I got bad grades; I hated that punishment.  Why would I use the belt on someone else if it was such a bad experience?”  You may not recognize that this thought came up, it may be sitting around, lurking in some dark corner of your mind, waiting to start nibbling at you.

It may be other issues inside, like the fear that your family would not accept you for who you are if they found out what you like.  Or maybe guilt issues because you think the Church would frown upon it.  You may have told yourself you don’t care, or that it’s OK.  But it might be your subconscious self is not agreeing with you.

If you have Drop, and it lingers for too long.   If chocolate and comfort doesn't help, you may want to look inside yourself and come to terms with what is lurking inside.

Sometimes talking it out with a good friend helps.  It is like looking in a mirror, you can see things you didn't see before.  And may I recommend a friend who is not too close to us, someone we are comfortable with, it just works better because we open up more.

This is also why it is so important to have good after care after a play session.  It also helps with recovery.  Well, we cannot fix a recurring drop with chocolate.  But chocolate won’t hurt as long as we don’t eat the whole box. 

~Sam

Jun2013

Anal training

This is just in case someone needs it. Sorry, I only have it geared towards females.


The Female Submissive Anal Training Guide


Anal, The Big A, Ass Fucking call it what you will a large percentage of men love the idea of it, often trying it once with many a girl proclaiming that “It’s herts” and “We’re never doing that again”.


This was the case for me and KW during our vanilla period, when trying anal I rushed it and caused some issue for some time.


When entering a D/s as Dom it’s within your power (and agreed limits) to do what ever you want, often this meaning training your sub both physically and mentally.


So given my love for anal like most (In the UK 31 percent have tried it) one of my main goals was to train my sub anally, but more importantly to do it the right way, so we could both enjoy anal in the long term.


What To Do Before You Start Anal Training

Discus It:

Most women don’t like the idea of anal, some may even hate it due to a bad previous experience, so explain your goals and gain consent from your submissive.


Understand the Mechanics.

Simple put an arse is are tight, after all that’s why you want fuck it! This tightness means building up to the porn star anal sex you desire takes time (Not days or weeks but months in some cases). The anus is made up of two strong mussels which actually have to to stretched slowly and incrementally to achieve results. If you go too fast you risk tearing the anus, mean potentials long term problems for sub, that can even lead to surgery in extreme cases.


Tool Up.

With anal play having the right equipment is critical, in my opinion it can be the difference between success and failure so what do you need?


Flavoured Lube.

Best practice anal sex includes rimming (Licking the anus) as this helps relax your partners outer anus. You can make this task a lot easier and enjoyable by using flavoured lubes such as Drurex’s Range, my favourite is Cherry or Strawberry.


Anal Relaxants.

Making the ass as stretchy as possible is key to anal training and sex and its worth going beyond mental relaxation. For me and KW Pjur’s Analyse Me Spray has made a real difference. What It does is make the anal tissues stretchy and lowers sensitivity making anal play more pleasurable for your partner. I’ll explain later how to use it best.


Anal Lubes

Now an import physical aspect about the anus is that unlike a pussy it doesn’t produce it’s own lube. Due to this fact choosing the right lube makes all the difference, for anal sex and play its best to use silicone lubes like my favourite Pjur’s Silicone Lube called Back Door Glide. Silicone lubes work because unlike their water based alternative they can’t get absorbed in the skin, because if this you need a lot less. Three important points about silicone lube: 1 – it’s more expensive, however it’s well worth it if you want regular anal fun. 2 – you CAN’T use it with silicone sex toys as it cause a reaction make it ineffective. So make sure you understand what the toys you buy are made of, personally I find high grade rubber the best. 3 – Some people have allergies to silicone, so make sure you test it on different part of skin first.


Anal Toys (Butt Plugs, Beads and Dildos)


Now this part comes down to personal preference and what you sub/partner has used previously. Personally my sub had never used any anal toys before, so I decided to take the approach of you using various sizes of butt plugs.


If your dealing with a sub new to anal play and training I recommend a butt plug with about a 3.5″ circumference (its about the width of a large finger at its widest point). Once you sub is comfortable with that size you buy larger or you can buy a butt plug kit.


Hemroid/Piles Cream: Good anal training is a much about after care as any other facet of BDSM. Once you’ve finish your scene make sure you apply some high quality hemroid cream to your subs anus (Inside and out) to aid recovery.


How to Carry Out Anal Training

The above guide is for those in a non 24/7 D/s relationship where training may be less extreme or regular.


I’ve split the below training guide into two parts, first part details a single training session. The second part details how to carry out multi session training


Training Session Guide:

Through all of the below steps I suggest stimulating your sub’s pussy or clit to help associate a strong link between pleasure and anal play/sex.


Get Your Sub Relaxed. You want to get your sub as relaxed as possible, focus on music and light. If it helps a single glass of wine can help relax a nervous sub further, how ever don’t let them get to drunk as they will be able to tell when anal play goes from uncomfortable to painful.

Rimming: If you want anal expect to rim. Get your sub in your favoured position (My preference is Face Down, Ass Up) Then apply some flavoured lube to her anus and rim away, using your tong to penetrate where possible.

Apply Relaxing Spray. Relaxant Sprays can several minutes to work effectively, so apply your spray of choice directly to arse hole and work it in as part of step 4.

Thumb and Finger Play. With the spay applied start playing with your subs arse, push on the hole to help get your sub comfortable with the pressure. Now is also a great time to instruct you sub suck you while you play.

Butt Plug Training: This is ware anal training really starts. Once your subs arse is fully felling the effects of the relaxant, it’s time to start plug training, follow the below steps.

Apply silicone lube to your subs arse and the butt plug

Get your sub to tense and then relax their anus, just after th relax push in the plug a little. This exercise really helps relax the anus further. Also get your sub to breath deeply through each push.

Repeat step 2 above till the plug is ether completely in or a far as the sub can cope with.

With plug at it maximum depth (Ether fully inserted to the based or at the maximum depth your sub can cope with) leave it there for several minutes. Aim to increase this time each anal training session

If your sub very comfortable with a specific plug size I suggest pushing them a little by fucking the arse at their at the plugs widest point


So How Do You So Fuck a Girls Arse?


Personally I would only move onto anal sex until after your sub is comfortable with a basic butt plug over several minutes, if she’s still having difficulty wait till another session.


How successful you are depends on your length and girth, so if you’ve small dick your in luck, if you have a big dick it’s going to take longer to achieve results.


Personally I always have anal sex after training, however it’s also a slow process. As with butt plugs make sure you use silicone lube before starting, if your anal training is going well your sub arse should gape a little after removing the plug and when you ask them to pull their cheeks apart.


6 Steps to Ass Fucking

Carry out anal training first, this will help get her as stretch and ready your subs ass you.

Find the right position, the easiest for anal initially is with your sub on her back holding her legs to raise her ass to your dick.

Now try the head of your cock first and take the same time as you would with plug.

Only increase depth gradually, it takes time get full penetration. It may take many sessions to get that full porn star anal you want.

Anal After Care: After a session (In non 24/7 D/s context) it’s best to leave 1-2 Day till you carry out further anal training. This is especially true once when pushing your sub’s physical limits with large plugs and deeper anal sex.

In addition to the above point I also suggest applying hemorrhoid (piles) cream to your subs arse after most anal sessions. Unless there very comfortable with that size plug/depth. This ether speeds up recover or ensure any damage done is minimized.

Carrying Out Anal Training in the Long Run

So you had your first session, your submissive recovered well and your ready to go further and carry out Anal Training over multiple session?


In my opinion you should only graduate to the next session when your sub is easily coping with her current session.


For example you may need to repeat a session several times till your sub an easily handle a specific size of butt plug.


So here you go my multi session guide to anal training for non 24/7 D/s relationships .


Session 1: Rimming and Finger Play. Get your sub used to you playing with her arse my favorite way to this is to have her rub her pussy while on all fours while I eat her ass out. I suggest repeating this session twice and judge her feedback, although you should have already discussed anal play when agreeing limits.

Session 2: As above, but try using the tip of a 3.5″ (Circumference) butt plug. Just pushing in the top in while monitoring your subs reaction. Leave a 2 day gap for recovery.

Session 3: Follow session 1, but aim to get the plug inserted fully into your subs arse, take your time doing this getting your sub to breathe through it and don’t rush. Aim to leave plug fully for 2 minutes before removal. Repeat this session till its in for 10 minutes. Leaving 1-2 days between session not forgetting aftercare.

Session 4: As above, but try to start fuck her ass with the widest part of the plug. Repeat session twice, again leaving recover days between sessions.

Session 5: As above, but when you remove the plug try pushing just the tip of your cock head in her ass. After 10 minutes of plug play her ass should gap a little, a good sign for further play.

Session 6: Follow all the steps as normal with a 3.5″ plug, but after removal graduate to a 4.5″ plug, again as with a 3.5″ plug it make take several repeats of this session to get the plug fully inserted.

Session 7: Moving on from session 6, you should be able to achieve gentle ass fucking with a little more depth.

Session 8: Going through all the steps, move up to 5.5″ circumference butt plug (Provide your sub can easily handle a 4.5″ plug), taking your time and sessions to achieve full insertion of the plug.

Session 9: If you sub can easily handle the 5.5″ plug you should be able after a full training session (Rimming, 3.5-5.5″ training) be able to start achieve deeper and in some cases slight harder ass fucking.


~Nick N.

(BDSM International)

Compiled by Sam Marie

2Nov15