When we talk with people about pain, we usually learn that most people like to avoid it. It seems to be an unpleasant experience for most people. This paper will talk about the people who are wired differently and are actually attracted by experiencing pain. What motivates them to seek this extreme sensation? We will also explore what they seek to gain from the experience emotionally, physically and physiologically.
Motivation is very strong when you are looking for some type of activity that makes us feel good, especially the types that appeal to the Id. According to Freud this is the more basic instincts that functions on seeking pleasure. (Deckers, L (2010)) From this point on, will now refer to this pain experience as BDSM (Bondage, Dominance/Submission, Sadism, Masochism), because this activity encompasses the pain experience that I will speak of. We will explore what the effects of these activities have on the people practicing them. They can vary widely, but we will look into the emotional, physiological and physical and psychological aspects.
The motivations are many. Newsweek magazine had an article on this and they said that many career women work too much. They have so much responsibility and many are in charge of other employees and therefore have more pressure, and stress. When they are done for the day, they like to unwind. But it has been found that they some of them like to go somewhere where they can relinquish all control to another person. So they go find someone who will dominate them for a set amount of time on an agreed set of experiences. We will discuss them in detail later (Roiphe 2012). Other people are motivated by feelings. The physical need for touch has been reported by many professional Dommes (Female dominants). They talk about how many of their clients are so touch starved in their daily lives and sometimes they just want to be touched a lot. Other Dommes report that the clients like to talk about things they can’t talk with their wives about, and they are happy to pay less than it would cost for therapy. Other clients like to be held. But for the most part, they like to feel pain, sometimes humiliation as well (Lindemann 2011). I personally found some information by talking to a group I belong to. This is a group of people who practice these activities in their own homes, and live this lifestyle. While talking with them, I found that being spanked as a child, or having other kind of trauma doesn’t make a difference in their preferences. Out of a group of about 75, I had equal responses as to who was spanked as a child or hit with other objects. Yes and no answers were just about the same. Therefore in this group, being spanked or punished as a child doesn’t seem to have an influence in their love for BDSM behavior in adulthood.
The emotional effects that “sessions” may have for people can be very different for each person. Some Dommes had reported that the clients ask to be punished for something they did. They want atonement, and this makes them feel better once they are done being punished. Punishment is administered in different forms. Sometimes it comes in the form of spankings or with a whip, a flogger, a switch or any of the many other tools available in a dungeon. Others clients report that feeling the pain helps them release much of stress and tension they carry with them, as if a great weight is lifted off of them. Sessions also help the clients discover more about themselves and learn more about their likes and dislikes. Sometimes they find they have certain fetishes. In the outside world they are expected to act a certain way and be a certain way. But in this setting they are allowed to be who they are and their likes, as strange as can be, are mostly accepted and even explored further. For example, an attorney wears a suit to work, and acts as it is expected by society. He would be able to go home and act as a husband and/or father would be expected to act. But on his time off, he may like to have the Domme dress him as a little boy and spank him. This would not be acceptable in the outside world, but in that setting it is perfectly fine. It has been reported that this acceptance of the person as is helps the person grow stronger and more self-accepting. (Lindemann, 2011).
It is easy to understand for people like the one in this example, how he has to be the one in charge all day at work. He has to be strong assertive and quick or lose out and get trampled. When he is home he is expected to be the head of the household (in most common cases) and take care of his family. He needs to be strong and be their rock, which means he spends his life showing no weaknesses for the most part. This can tire someone out, and wouldn’t it be just fine to relinquish control of everything? Leave his life on pause for an hour or two? Live in the moment, literally, feel something so extreme that it makes you feel like you are not even in this world anymore. It would be like taking a mini-vacation from life.
Physical effects are somewhat obvious: Pain in different parts of the body and different temporary marks from the tools used in the session. The Dommes who inflict this pain are trained to know how to inflict pain to the levels desired without causing real or permanent damage to the client. The pain levels vary from person to person and depend on pain tolerances of each individual. Sometimes as was mentioned above there is little or no pain involved, other times the pain requested may be intense. It is always something that is agreed upon before the beginning of the session.
Now the physiological effects are what attract people the most. The feeling of being totally helpless, not having control takes away the responsibility off the shoulders of the client (or in non-professional settings, the submissive) and puts it on the shoulders of the Dom/me. That leaves the submissive to focus on the feelings of the pain received. When they receive pain to a certain intensity, the brain will release endorphins that give that person the feeling of being “high”.
“Endorphins also cause the release of dopamine, so, here, we may have a pain-pleasure connection: although the endorphins would make getting the orgasm more difficult, the pleasure with or without orgasm would be greater.” (Zule, 2009)
In conclusion, with such powerful motivations that reach into our innermost animalistic
instincts of seeking pleasure, combined with other motivators, such as seeking stress release and sometimes just being able to live in the moment, it is easy to see why some people will participate in such activities. Once the person in a session as a submissive, and starts feeling the “rush” of adrenaline, the feeling of being high, all the while feeling that it is “OK” because they are not in charge anymore; it is then that they get “hooked”. They keep searching for that same “high”, that same feeling over and over. It defies logic but when you see the whole picture, and hopefully after reading this short paper, it will make some sense. After reviewing some research, it is evident that the Dommes interviewed have many happy returning clients. The Dommes themselves see that some of these clients, they have changed, they have become more assertive and secure within themselves, they grow with the experience. (Lindemann, 2011)
Written by, Sam Marie
November 23, 2013
References:
Deckers, L (2010) Motivation: Biological, Psychological and Environmental (3rd ed). Boston:
Pearson/Allyn & B
Lindemann, Danielle (2011) Sexualities, BDSM as therapy?, Sage Publications,
Retrieved from University of Phoenix Library with an online link:
http://sex.sagepub.com/content/14/2/151acon
Roiphe, Katie (April 23 &30, 2012) The Fantasy Life or Working Women, Newsweek (24-28)
Zule (November 4, 2009) Cuadernos de BDSM, BDSM Canarias.
Retrieved from: http://www.bdsmcanarias.es/cuadernos/CuadernosBDSM1.pdf
(English version) http://brainmeta.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=21395
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