I
write to those of you in a hurry to fall into BDSM like you would fall into a comfy
couch. This is not a fit-all lifestyle
and it is not instant.
A
perfect Dom who is a gentleman with a streak of prince charming doesn't come in
a cake mix box, ready to go. And you
cannot convert your husband or significant other into one by forcing it onto
him either. Don’t be in a hurry to
follow the crowd.
A
collar is not something you go shopping for, and wear to show off to your friends
like a fashion statement.
These
things are things that we in the lifestyle work hard for and cherish. I want to tell you what it means to us when
we see people rush into things.
If
you don’t take the time to learn about the lifestyle, if you hop into it and
throw yourself at a stranger, it makes the lifestyle look like a game to
others. And if taken as a game, it can
be a dangerous one.
Imagine
drinking with friends, and while you have been drinking vodka you want to
impress your friends and decide to try and hop over a bon fire. It’s not worth your life, your health or even
your mental health. You may end up with
a broken heart, but it can be much worse.
You could end up chained in a basement somewhere, or worse, dead in some
back alley. I beg of you new ones to
take this seriously, this is your life.
So,
rant over, now I want to say that, first of all you should decide what you
want. If you want playtime, you can go
do a dungeon, where you are safer, and there are dungeon masters watching. It works well when all you want is pain for
recreational purposes. Yes pain is
awesome, but you must find someone who is safe and knows what he/she is doing. You should make sure to go over your limits
and safe-words. You should buy your own
toys and bring them with you to the dungeon.
When I play with others, they usually bring their own floggers and canes
or paddles. It is unsanitary to use toys
on different people unless you are certain they were disinfected. No biggie if you are not drawing blood, but
still safer.
If you want a relationship with
Kink, you can find someone with similar interests. Build a relationship first, and go slow. The relationship must be a strong one before
jumping forward. You could start with
S&M first. In this case there is no
power exchange, just kinky sex. You can
take small steps. This then may develop
into BDSM later on. But the best way to
ensure this relationship lasts, you need to spend time reinforcing it. I mean all aspects, not just kink. Spend time getting to really know each other
outside the bedroom.
Once you have some time within that
relationship you can start worrying about a collar, but first you must build a
strong foundation. If you want to build
a home, would you want it to have a strong foundation so it lasts? Or will you
slap some plywood together and hope for the best?
Please cover all your bases and make
sure you keep yourself safe. Do not be
afraid to say no to something that doesn't feel right. Do not be afraid to back out of a situation
that seems off for the fear of upsetting someone. You need to take care of you, and not worry
about other people’s feelings. Because
once you are bound, you can’t help yourself.
You might be screaming your safe word, but who will hear you? Do you trust the so called Dom you found to
stop when you call that word? What makes
you think he will? What if he gets
carried away? Remember that you need
immense trust in the other person to let them bind you. Value
yourself, do not just give yourself away to just anyone.
I
strongly suggest you set up a safe call.
Have a friend on standby. Leave
the address where you will be at, with them.
Message them at the agreed at times with a code that tells them you are OK. If they do not receive your message,
they can call you. But keep in mind that
if you are bound, and possibly gagged, you won’t be able to answer. If they feel you are in trouble they can send
the police. (In the worst case) You can set this up with your friend as you
see fits you best.
Research
and learn; never stop learning. (Make sure you are learning from a good
source though). Be patient and take it easy, please do not be overeager. I know we live in a world of instant
gratification, but this is not something to take lightly.
Be
safe, have fun.
~Sam
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