SAFETY

I have been on Facebook for a while now, and what I see going by has me concerned.  It seems after people read some S&M novels or watched porn, they want a relationship involving BDSM. 

They are desperate to find a partner for this reason, and sometimes they will take whomever seems willing or resembles the picture they have in their mind.

People who are in a hurry to jump into a relationship with a stranger with a pretty screen name and a few good “Domly” lines are putting themselves in danger.  This is not a game, this is real life and the dangers are real.  An unprepared Dom/me can cause a lot of harm, physically and emotionally.

Just recently I saw a post in a group about a Domme (female dominant).  She calls herself a Domme, but she said she will never take in consideration what the sub wants.  She said it is all about her and her needs, not the sub’s.  She said she has been playing with subs for a while now and nobody has complained.  I wonder how much of that is true, being that people talk a lot of shit online, but seeing that made me cringe.  How many people will fall for someone with an abusive nature who just wants to use people as toys? 

When looking for a Dominant, you need to ask the right questions, get to know them.  And if their first lines are “kneel before me”, run.  Beware of red flags, please.  I saw a “Dom” ask someone in a personal adds group, “Send me some nude pictures of you, and I will consider you as a sub”.  That is just rude, disrespectful and asinine!  If they want to see porn, go to a porn site.  People in that group are looking for relationships, for a partner, even at times for a play partner, they are not looking to be used and disrespected.  

 Always remember, Web cam sex is not a way to prove you are a “true sub”.  It can be recorded without your knowledge, and spread around the internet.  Nude pictures of you are not necessary for you to be considered for anything at all.  They do nothing but get the person who requested them something to use against you later.  These things can ruin your career, your family life, and possibly more.

Please take the time to read and educate yourself.  When getting to know a prospective partner, ask the right questions, take the time to get to know them.  Do not let a prospective Dom/me tell you that you are not allowed to ask him/her questions.  You are not theirs, always remember that.  They cannot order you to do anything; your safe word is the off button on the computer.  You are not obligated to answer to anyone, your safety always should come first.  Remember it is a submissive who willingly gives their submission to a Dominant, the submissive has control.  Submission is not taken, yanked or coerced; it is feely given by a submissive and it has to be out of their free will.   

I just came across a message in which a lady was concerned about her friend.  Her friend offered her submission to a man who claims to be a Dom.  There are many red flags in this case.  The sub doesn’t know the man’s real name, or where he lives or works.  She has not met him or know him well at all.  Just the online “persona”.  She blindly follows his orders and does tasks for him.  He orders her to drink her pee, among other useless and somewhat dangerous sexual tasks.  Drinking your own pee is not safe or sane.  I was so angry when I read that, he has her doing sexual tasks that can put her health in danger.  She may end up in the ER if she continues, but she protects him and follows him blindly. 

I had another friend post on a comment in a group of mine.  It was a story about a friend of his who went to a supposedly Professional Domme.  She had no idea what she was doing, hurt him so badly he has had 8 colon surgeries, and still is not back to normal. 

There are plenty of horror stories; I just wanted you all to see that this can end up in very bad ways if you are not careful.

I understand the urge some may have to be dominated and told what to do, but please use common sense.  We are all grown ass adults!  Please take care of your safety first and foremost.  He isn’t being responsible, and for all we know he has no knowledge of how to be a Dom.  A good Dominant puts his sub’s health, safety and well being first.  A good Dom takes care of their sub, discusses the sub’s limits and respects them.  Our subs are precious to us, we do not make them do things that have no value.  How is drinking her pee going to make her a better sub? How is taking pictures of herself inserting objects in her lady parts going to make her grow and blossom as a person?  How does he even justify these things?  It seems many self proclaimed Dominants roam on line trolling for unsuspecting subs so they can get their jollies at the sub’s expense.  It seems to me a cheesy way of avoiding paying for a porn site.  People are not toys and should not be used as such. 

Check their profile, if all they have in likes are porn sites and most their friends are female, run.  See if they are on Fetlife, check out what they have on that profile. 

Last notes:

Remember to look at your messenger settings and make sure the locator is off.  Never put your location information on your Facebook profile, it is not safe.  Also if using the profile to find a Dominant or partner, please keep your children’s pictures and family pictures locked safely.  Above all: NEVER go meet a stranger alone.

Write yourself a list on to what kinds of questions to ask when deciding on a prospective Dominant. Educate yourself so you can come up with relevant questions you would like answered.  Learn terms and basics of BDSM so you sound educated.  A fake Dom/me will not bother with a sub that knows what they are talking about.   If possible, find a mentor, a protector, a guide so you are not alone.

What kinds of questions do you think someone should ask a prospective Dom/me (or sub)?

~Sam