The Purpose

I have noticed lately in groups online that the purpose of a submissive has been lost.  It is sad to see advertisements in the Classifieds asking for a Dom.  Subs saying they need a Dom that can take care of them, pamper them, love them and take care of their needs.  Some even go as far as explaining that they don’t like to be told what to do and are not looking for a sadist.

Well I am saddened by it because they forget that the main purpose of a sub/slave is to serve their Master/Mistress.  Their goal is to please, and do as they are ordered.  Yes I said it, and I will go further, it took my vanilla husband to remind me that my slave is to OBEY me.  I also forgot that myself, because life gets in the way and we forget.  We do not live with a slave at our feet, and the slave isn’t always chained to a bed.  This is real life and we must adjust because we are not in a fantasy novel.

So what is this?  A sub is to obey, serve, please and be loyal.  A Master/Mistress is to help the sub grow and reach their potential.  They can reward the sub, but above all they will treat the sub as their most prized possession.  That doesn’t mean a Master/Mistress is there to wait on the sub hand and foot and pamper and coddle them.  A Master/Mistress will give the sub tasks to perform in order to help them.  And while we speak of tasks, an online “Dom” asking a sub to insert things in their various orifices and send pictures is not a task, it is a sad excuse of some dude trying to get off without going to a porn site.  How does that make a sub a better person?  Seriously, if you don’t believe me, try it.  A task maybe would be taking picture of a part of their body they dislike.  A task may be to say hello to a stranger, or buy someone coffee to help them with their shyness.  Or write a list of what she eats each day if she has issues with eating healthy.  Seeing the list may help her re evaluate her junk food habits.  Maybe she is overweight and needs motivation, so a Master/Mistress may have her post a picture of her goal size on the fridge, and go to the gym three times a week. 

What the sub does is what he/she is told to do, in order to please her Master/Mistress.  That may entail a wake up call in the mornings, checking in during the day.  It might be greeting him when he gets home, or reminding him of his meetings.  A submissive at heart would be more than happy to do things to please his/her Master/Mistress because it is in their nature. 

BDSM may or may not involve pain, the S & M part is optional, and many people adjust their settings when it comes to their individual relationships.  But what I see in those ads is someone is looking for a sugar daddy, and that is very different than a Daddy Dom.  If it is not in their heart to think of others, and is only thinking of herself and what she gets out of it, then it isn’t good.

A D/s relationship is a power exchange relationship.  One person relinquishes all or some power to another, depending on what they agreed on.  But even though it is that way, both the Dominant and the submissive reap benefits.  I just find it odd that a submissive would demand those benefits without even thinking of what she has to offer.  Both people are thinking of the other, the Dom looks for the best interest of the sub, and the sub takes care of their Dom/me’s needs.  It does go both ways even though the power has been exchanged.  This is when a contract comes in handy; everyone’s rights and responsibilities are listed there in black and white.

A submissive is a strong person, and can speak up, but in a respectful manner.  They don’t demand things or speak ill of their Master/Mistress.  The actions and behavior of a sub reflects on a Master/Mistress.  If you go to a dungeon with your Master/Mistress and do not act respectful or start whining, demanding things or acting a fool, it makes the Master/Mistress look like he/she failed to train the sub properly and can be terribly embarrassing.  That is just an example; this also means that when online a sub/slave should act in a way that makes their Master/Mistress proud.  They do this by showing that they are learning, improving themselves, not causing drama and gossip, and definitely not speaking ill of their Dominant.  This doesn’t mean they cannot ask for advice and ask questions, it can be done respectfully.  Asking questions is part of learning, when a person stops asking questions, it means they lost interest.

It is also a wise thing to do when just meeting a new Dominant, online or in person.  It is very important to ask questions about them and to them.  Do not trust anyone who says you cannot ask about them.  It would be ideal to meet or talk to their friends and make sure the person has a somewhat good reputation.  I know, it would be biased since they are friends, but it’s a start.  Remember, when starting up a D/s relationship, think of it as a regular relationship and take the same safety measures you would take.  If you are looking at someone to be your Dominant, you can research, he/she cannot tell you not to, you should not have offered your submission to them unless you know they are safe and you trust them.

I hope this explains at least the very basics of what the purpose of a sub/slave is.

~Sam